Reply to I told husband I might want a divorce

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "I told husband I might want a divorce "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What you described is not divorce-worthy.[/quote]

My husband travels a decent amount for work and has business dinners several nights a week. He is gone 1-2 weeks out of the month.

Our agreement:

- He would be caring for our baby on the evenings he is home to allow me to have downtime.

He has refused to do any evening help with the baby because he needs to relax.

- He will cook the days he gets home early.

He has refused to cook on the days he is home.

- He will help out at night on the weekends and help me prepare for the week ahead ( meal prep, laundry, grocery shopping..)

He hasn’t done any nights. He does do meal prep and laundry but I’ve had to order groceries because he was too tired.

- He would skip client dinners that aren’t necessary or any travel that isn’t necessary.

He has several next week and will be out of town for work the week after.

The idea of being a SAHM or working part-time has been on the table but it’s not a decision I wanted to make until my maternity leave was nearing an end. I don’t see myself staying home but working part-time is a strong possibility.

It feels to me that I’m parenting by myself. He has no interest in being a husband or father. My life has changed  but his is still normal. [/quote]

if you want to sahm or work part time he's gong to need to stay in good favor at work meaning many dinners and lots of travel.

cooking is reasonable,
Not sure why you need him to make your lunch for you.

I think it's reasonable for him to  take an hour to decompress afterward.   Also think it makes sense for him to do first evening shift with the baby so  say 7 to 11 or midnight and then you're on since he has to be up in the morning. he can also do the first morning feed etc before going to work,

Him doing laundry for the household is huge - you should be  grateful for that.
.

the person who is on for baby care  should not have to also make dinner. Sure it's doable but that's not really the pint

[/quote]

You have got to be kidding me. He does nothing but laundry and spends nearly no time with his tiny child and she’s supposed to be grateful? I swear the bar for men is in hell.

Also to who ever posted the BS that he has to be going all out at work whatever either is or has been totally played by someone who really didn’t want to deal with a crying newborn. You can limit client dinners to once a week when you have a newborn. You really can. No one gets fired for that, and men love to talk about getting ahead at work especially when the alternative is something they don’t want to do, like take care of their own child or clean up their own mess at home. Did he/is he taking any paternity leave at all?

All that said I overall agree it’s not a good idea to threaten divorce. I don’t think it’s the end of the world that you did but it’s not something to throw around. I would continue to express yourself clearly and be really clear on how much you are struggling and your hopes that he develops a strong connection to your child.

I suspect the reason for your careful agreements before the baby was born was that you were very afraid of this exact situation, which is pretty reasonable when your partner travels and works this much. I’m sorry it’s going so badly. I would not try to hold him to the specifics of exactly what you agreed upon, but rather now that you both have a better sense of what this is going to look like come to some agreement that acknowledges your new reality.

If he doesn’t care at all when you are struggling and continues to not be interested in his child there’s nothing you can do to fix that. I’d give it to a year before making any big decisions at least though. There’s at least some chance he’ll snap out of it though it’s incredibly hard to forget these days.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics