Reply to Is it over when you can't seem to do the following actions anymore..?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP can you do a separation? Ask him to move out while you both think about whether you want to save the marriage.

Sorry you are going through this. I am also considering divorce on a daily basis but the custody issue with kids is holding me back. [/quote]

OP here. When I confronted him I was basically already there on the idea of separation.

But I admit I am weak and the thought of completely upending everything and trying to explain to my 8 year old seems very daunting.

Things felt better for a week or so, but he seems to be backsliding.

We have to be at a family gathering all weekend and for a few days next week.

By the end of the month I think I will have more clarity on what I want to do.

I am sorry you are also experiencing an unfilling marriage. I am wishing you all the best![/quote]

Seriously OP we are almost living parallel lives! I also have a family gathering of sorts coming up (with in law side) and I am dreading it.

I really share all your doubts about separation and divorce. I feel like divorce is an easy choice for couples where both are involved, trustworthy parents but they just don't get along with each other OR in instances of abuse because that is an obvious get out now. Those of us in the middle with various types of incompetent spouses are really stuck. There is no true freedom from these spouses and sometimes it might be easier to just manage the marriage.

I think in your case, you should really explore if he would want custody. He might want it out of vengeance as you say, but when reality hits, he might choose comfort over vengeance. This is where a separation might help, where you live separately and give him the kids for a week on his own. It forces him to envision his future and figure out what he really wants. For a man like this, it is either single life or to get you to stay. No way he truly wants sole responsibility for three kids for days on end. If he comes to terms with this, I think it would make sense for you to divorce.

I'm surprised he is ok with these memes given that he has 3 girls. Has he ever acted in a way that suggests he has misogynistic views?  Has it at all impacted how he interacted with your daughters? Does he desire a boy and a lack thereof is the reason he is so detached? [/quote]

OP here.

I'm so sorry you are also experiencing an unhappy marriage!

I agree that divorce seems "cut and dry" when both partners are still good parents.

My husband is constantly critical of things I do (I admit I criticize, too, at times, although I think mine is reactionary).

Even our 8 year old will defend me at times when he is belittling me. I think that's super effed up.

And I was also beyond shocked when I saw all that content. Especially given we have all girls who will grow up to become women themselves.

He frequently talks about women drivers being awful as the glaring example he is always tossing around.

He shared stuff that completely questions women's intelligence, our rationality, our mental stability, our ability to drive/park cars, our cooking, that were just here to clean/take care of kids, even a meme about be*stiality.

Just a ton of sexual bases memes, I was so taken aback.

He uses a private web browser for watching p*rn, too. He claims it's all "normal" content..

His relationship with our 8 year old is not good..

He says he is fine having three girls, although when we found out the gender of our third, he was all like, "wow, I'm so outnumbered now" and was making jokes and I could tell on his face he seemed a bit disappointed..[/quote]

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