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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DC is surrounded by peers and classmates who have had tutors since literally 3rd/4th grade. Now a sophomore, literally everyone has multiple tutors, neighbors would openly talk about having to drop off their sophomore at the tutor’s house b/c kid has a paper due next day, or taking SAT prep classes every Sat, things like that. It literally feels like DC is the only one with no tutor, and I already see group texts among parents asking around for best tutor to help with college essays.

Have we done our DC a disservice not to provide him with a tutor, or will he somehow benefit from it long term to do it all on his own? Not trying to be a martyr or to humble brag; we wanted him to develop a sense of pride that he earned his own accomplishments. He is great with seeking help from teachers at school when he needs help, but he has never done a paper, project, essay anything with a ghost writer or even editor. Are we just naive and doing him a disservice with college and other opportunities? [/quote]

No tutors are needed for most kids (ie no learning disabilities)! Ours had none and their other friends at the top of the high school class did not either. The ones who  had them tended to be above average/maybe top quarter but not true top kids, and of course very wealthy families who yes paid for one on one tutoring many days a week. Ours went to different ivies and are killing it there, top 10-20% easily. They were blown away at the depth of talent and raw intelligence of many peers their first semester, much tougher cohort than they were used to but they also met students who crashed and burned after the first midterms and had no idea how to organize their week and study on their own.

The families we know well from the k-8 then the same top private prep school did not use tutors, instead they accepted the school's placement in math, language arts and the kids ended up at colleges they could handle (UVA, Wake, Chicago, Ivies, Stanford, W&M)  Almost all the close friends they have had at college did not have tutors along the way and in fact many are surprised by the few there that had them, except for the one with dyslexia which of course is a necessary tutor from elementary through at least middle. We know families that have chosen tutors as you describe: they have had to continue them in college and kids have not launched as well--some got into colleges above their true ability and then struggled a lot (Wake, UVA, Emory, W&M, others). None got into super-elite schools but the one at Emory has been affected mentally the most having to change majors twice and take summer school to re-do low grades two summers in a row. They had mostly As in HS but it was with extensive tutors, grading that counts tests as only 40% of the total grade, the rest is participation and homework --done by tutor.  Their 35 on ACT was after 6 tries, months of tutors, and double-time on the test due to anxiety. Their AP scores were all 2 and 3 and they did not submit any. Covid year was more forgiving with not submitting scores. The kid will graduate just fine but not in their original interest areas, and the repercussions on mental health have been signifciant.

You are doing your kid a favor with no tutors. They will get into a place they can thrive and they can be proud that they got their on their own, instead of the dread of realization that they are somewhere they do not belong with the majority of peers who process faster, study independently and can outperform them at every turn. [/quote]

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