Reply to Fighting about husband's inability to handle our kid

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Some kids need structure, op, no chaos. Don't blame the kid for not being able to offer structure. A kid is not luggage to go along with your daily mess.[/quote]

OP here. Fair point, but a kid also isn't in charge of our family and it doesn't seem right to design our lives around her? Like where is that balance? We are already very strict with bedtime (7PM, which really messes with evening plans -- most other families with kids seem to be able to keep them up late without all hell breaking loose).[/quote]

You need to understand that you, the adults, must make a plan for the whole family including each kid. That isn't letting her be in charge. You're not just giving her whatever she wants and letting her make decisions in the moment. You're planning a schedule that works for her, and holding her to it even when she wouldn't choose it for herself.  She's not in charge just because you're planning appropriate to her needs.

Yes, other kids are more flexible/need less sleep/don't need strict routines. But so what? You have the kid you have, and she needs what she needs. No, it isn't fair. But you get what you get.

Or you can keep doing your schedule how you're doing it now, and she'll keep acting how she's acting. Your choice. Accept that what you choose has a consequence for her behavior.[/quote]

+1 our family schedule completely revolved around kids' schedule including nap, dinnertime, bedtime etc. If one parent has something else to do or stuff comes up, the other parent tried to keep to it. Now they are slightly older and we can stay up a little later etc. But mostly we are choosing activities (including socializing and travel) that they will do well with, not whatever just suits our needs. It makes the actual activities a lot more enjoyable even if we still have to say No to some things that are too late etc and don't work for us.

IMO having a kid does mean "designing your life around her" to the extent you can, especially in the early years.[/quote]

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