Reply to In-laws upset they can't visit ON grandchild's birthday

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Let them be upset, OP.

They can visit at another time, but if I'm hosting one set of parents, I don't have bandwidth for the other set. At most, we'd do a large family dinner at a restaurant with the 4 grandparents, but they certainly wouldn't be visiting in my house during that time!

Think of this as a great opportunity to reset expectations going forward, as you said. In the future, your kids choose what to do on their birthday. Grandparents are not the priority here.

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The kids can choose what they do on their birthday but [b]I am not turning away my parents or my inlaws[/b] who want to celebrate with them sometime the birthday week, whether that is at home or a restaurant. None of this is complicated or difficult nor should it cause drama. [/quote]

DP that's fine for your situation.

OP should not be criticized for setting boundaries around high maintenance in-laws.

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I am unclear how they are high maintenance. Again, wanting to celebrate a grandkid's bday is not HM.[/quote]

They need to be "catered to".

[i]"I don't love having them on the kids' birthdays because it kind of ruins the day to have to cater to them instead of the birthday child"[/i][/quote]

Well you are taking the OPs word that they have to be "catered to" by her. This could be her own perceived issue or her DH's lack of initiative or it could be that the ILs do expect to be brought water and food while they put their feet up and arrive and leave at the times of their choosing.

If they are bad houseguests then the adult way to handle this is to, for example, book a table for X number of people at X restaurant the night before/day after the bday for everyone and invite them and they can take it or leave it.[/quote]

Yea, your reasonable approach has been suggested various times — and shot down by nasty women who prefer to just tell the mother of their spouse and the grandmother to her children to go F herself.  [/quote]

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