Reply to Sibling adopted drug exposed toddler and their savior complex has because their whole persona

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]

Anonymous wrote:

This, I don’t call my child adopted. Nor do I refer to myself as such either. Most kids aren’t grateful. They joined our family per our choice. Just like if we had given birth.

Ah,but you didn't give birth. They joined your family "per your choice."

Here's something you probably need to consider. Agree that you won't call your kid " adopted." Agree that you love them. But- acting like it there was not an adoption, as if you gave birth to them, is part of the problem. They have a genealogical, medical, ethnic, maybe racial entire history that is not yours. They have paperwork outlining their birth story, a birth date that may or may not be accurate, relatives including siblings that they don't know about and it is not your job to pretend none of that happened.[/quote]

I was the first poster quoted above.  I have never tried to erase my children's history.  Not at all.  Even if I had wished to, our children were not newborns at the time of their adoption and they came with memories and a life before us.  We have always been an open book to them---I would answer any question asked (in an age appropriate way).  I certainly don't think that any adoptive parent should try to pretend those facts away---or not try to help kids process those complexities.   I just wish there was a little more balance in the pendulum swing---from the "weren't you lucky you were chosen" narrative that used to deny the complexity of adoptees' feelings of loss to the current emphasis on grief and loss processing without an accompanying recognition that any child who gets to grow up safe, loved and supported is fortunate to have that experience.   It's not either/or, it is a both/and.[/quote]
Agree. [/quote]

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