Reply to DH doesn’t like sex

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Reply to "DH doesn’t like sex - I am sad and lost"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Have you tried being more kinky? For example wearing a dress and no panties on and whispering in his ears about it, or lifting your dress to show him or asking him to feel your wet vagina.

I am not trying to be "fresh" but we are adults here and sex is healthy and amazing. And when you have a spouse sex is even more exciting because there is no limit to experimenting as long as both are comfortable [/quote]

I think it's fair to assume that if a woman is writing here about a sexual imbalance in her long term relationship, she's tried all the obvious stuff. If I tried what you suggested with my no-libido husband, his reaction would likely be devastating. Not on purpose; he wouldn't want to hurt me. It's just that his mind isn't there, and attempting to yank it where I want it would be jarring for him, resulting in a startled reaction, an uncomfortable laugh, and no sex.

And that's the thing... Initiating sex comes with the possibility that you will be rejected. Gently, kindly, of course, but rejected all the same. Or almost worse, that you'd be indulged, but with no interest from him. The more that happens, the more vulnerable you feel, and the harder the rejection hits. 
[/quote]

I hear what you are saying, but I don’t think that you are right that the rejection will hit harder if you initiate more often.  Everything gets easier the more often you do it.  
If you initiate more often, then you will learn to tolerate the rejection.  But more than that, it will make the problem more overt and force him to deal with it instead of pushing it under the rug.  You say that he doesn’t see you as a sexual being and his mind isn’t there.  If you initiate more often (in whatever way he likes in the past), then he has to see you as a sexual being and deal with the fact that he’s rejecting you over and over again.  
If you never initiate, then you still feel rejected, but he has no idea that anything is wrong.  [/quote]

You have no idea what you’re talking about[/quote]

I think you don’t trust that your husband loves you as much as you love him.  I think you are scared that if you initiate sex regularly, he will get annoyed and leave you.

Yeah, if you can’t initiate without crying or getting mad if he isn’t interested, then that’s annoying.  But it’s not normal to get mad at your spouse for wanting to have sex, and I believe you are totally capable of communicating your interest without tears or drama.  
[/quote]

That’s not how it went down. And I have and still initiate. Nothing happens. It’s really useless advice.

Please stop whatevergenderyouaresplaining. [/quote]

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