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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s SO early. He has anxiety—not everyone knows how to take care of an infant. The fact that he’s doing so much else IS a help to you. When the baby is a little sturdier I bet he will be fine. We aren’t all good at everything. What is one thing he is comfortable doing with the baby? Is it burping? Is it shushing back to sleep when wakes up briefly. One step at a time then add more. I know you’re exhausted and hormonal—trust me I know! Just send him to get you all the things you need so YOU can keep hydrated and well fed! I promise it will get better. [/quote]

Nothing. He won’t change a diaper, get him dressed, give a bath, put him to sleep, burp, or anything else. He will only hold him if he is seated and immediately calls me to get him when he cries. He won’t walk around or hold him without being seated. [/quote]

Your husand absolutely should be able to do what you shared above.

Being new or the babys size isn’t a fair excuse to opt out of those tasks.

[/quote]

This is what I’m saying but posters are acting like I’m the problem because I want my husband to be an involved dad and share parenting responsibilities. [/quote]

OP.

1. This is a parenting board. Most of us have parented newborns. We have also seen what comes three months from now, three years from now, etc.

2.  I remember being very angry the first month of my child’s life. People commented on it, but i thought they were crazy. They weren’t. My hormones were off. I was stressed. I was exhausted. It resolved itself naturally within a few months.

Your post reeks of unresolved anger and resentment. I’m sure that this is coming across in your interactions with DH who is probably also tired. If you truly think that your hormones are fine, then you are choosing to be angry and you can stop. Think about that. Either it’s sleep deprivation/stress/hormones, or it’s a choice.

3. If you can’t control your resentment, you need to talk to your OB. Yes, DH is performing suboptimally in one aspect of your new life. It’s not ideal. [b]Your anger will not make the situation better.[/b] You cannot control DH. You can only control how you react to him. Manage your anger, THEN schedule some time where he is in charge of the baby.

4. If you can control your anger, then you need to do so. Yes, DH is performing suboptimally in one aspect of your new life. It’s not ideal. [b]Your anger still will not make the situation better.[/b] You still can only control how you react to him. As I said in #3, manage your anger, THEN schedule some time when he is in charge of the baby.

Don’t ruin the good thing you have because it’s not perfect. You can both be compassionate and hold him to a higher standard. [/quote]

I don’t have anger. I’m disappointed.

He’s not tired when he sleeps a full 8 hours a night. He has done nearly zero for our child. It’s great that he cooks us dinner and cleans up but that’s only a couple times a week. I’m still doing all of the parenting with him spending maybe 20 minute holding our son once a day. [/quote]
You just sound so angry. Can you afford someone to come in and assist with the baby? [/quote]

You’re missing the point. I shouldn’t have to hire help because my husband refuses to be a parent. It’s his responsibility. For a forum so pro women, you all aren’t acting like it. Why should I bear the full responsibility of caring for a child we both made? I’m learning so that’s no excuse. He doesn’t get a pass because he’s a man.[/quote]
For almost all of human history in all societies up until about 100 years ago (being generous here) you wouldn’t be bearing the full responsibility of caring for a child. Your sister, mother, grandmother, in-laws, and a whole village of women would be around to help you through caring for a THREE WEEK old. A PP had both side’s mothers to help out, plus a nanny. That is what you need! Women have always hired help and leaned on other women until a certain age!

You must understand that human nature is old—just because it is your opinion that men “should” be caring for tiny little newborns as deftly and skillfully as women can, doesn’t make it true. You can rage against your husband all you wanr, but you’re really raging against reality.[/quote]

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