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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP,

I'm the PP who said that my DH's mental illness and other issues would made hosting in our house hard.

I am unclear who is asking for these playdates.  If your kid is going to school, and making plans with another kid without running them by you, and he's the one coming back and asking for the playdates, then you need to set boundaries for your kid.  Blaming the other parent for saying no to their kid about hosting, because you don't want to do so with your kid, isn't reasonable.

On the other hand, if the other parent is reaching out and asking you to host, then you have a few choices.

1) If they're asking for childcare purposes, then you can ask for childcare purposes back.  The PP who said to call and say "I have an appointment, can you take him?"  Then the other mom can figure out whether she wants to exchange childcare and if so where it could take place.

2) You can say no.

3) You can say what I suggested above, about your kid being available but you aren't, and let the other parent either tell her kid no, or come up with a plan.  [/quote]

OP here.  The other mom texts me and says that the boys made plans.  She kind of pushes me back when I say “no.”  
Friday, she said, “I kind of feel bad for Larlo, in his little voice memo that he sent me. He sounded so confident and self assured that this is going to happen.”  
Another time she sent out a group text to work out a time for the boys to have a sleepover with their whole friend group.   She didn’t ask, but it was clear that the plan was to have it at my house.

It isn’t that I need childcare.  My kids can stay at home on their own.  It’s that I have to provide childcare when her son is here.  Two 9 year old boys get into a lot of trouble that one 9 y/o boy does not!

She’s really nice, and she does take my son out, and the boys have a really good time together.  I don’t want to be annoyed about this.  I really like your idea of saying that my child is available, but I am not from x time to y time. That puts it on her to figure something out during the time I have other plans or to tell her child “no.”

[/quote]

Oof. Yeah, you don't have to pick up what she's dropping. "It's great that they're so excited to get together! I'm not available to host Friday evening, but my kid can join if they meet up somewhere else." Or for a whole friend group sleepover...depending on how "it was clear" it might be painfully awkward, but just don't volunteer your space. And don't overexplain. Just "sorry that time/day doesn't work for us to have other kids over, can we find another place or time?" [/quote]

I would be more annoyed  by the entitlement of planning a sleepover with multiple kids at my home. For kids, unless it's a playing unsupervised in the backyard with neighbors, plans are not solid until an adult steps in, takes responsibility  and signs off.

I like this poster's advice.  This doesn't work for our family may have to be the answer.  At least she does reciprocate by taking your son out.  Also I agree I would never leave 2 boys that aren't siblings  age 9 to 17 unattended in my home.  That's a recipe for things to get broken. My brothers broke everything in our house growing up because they were always wrestling or fighting.   I remember being we were teens I  high school and them breaking a window wrestling.  [/quote]

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