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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom is like this. It’s so hard, I feel you op. I’ve always known it was all about her but the nail in the coffin that made me just not care anymore was when my husband was deployed, the kids and I were all having a hard week with him being gone, I dropped the ball on my daughter being student of the week and didn’t bring anything in, sports for the week were chaotic, the house was piling up. I called her crying just to vent and she said “ugh I know how frustrated you are my computer isn’t working!” And kept trying to fix her computer.

I’ve just stopped caring. I don’t call anymore because when I do it’s 30 minutes all about her.  My dad on the other hand is great and wants to hear about our lives. [/quote]

The common theme I see with these comments is that women are not happy that their parents will not listen to them talk about their problems in their nuclear family (so not involving the "mean" parents), or their kids, or a combination of both. [u]Maybe the parents do not want to get involved[/u], because they were not involved in the life choices that got you to where you are with the problems or or the kids, they had no agency or choice in events, so they feel helpless. Are they just to be a listening ear, with no ability to change things? So yes, you can try phsically accosting them by putting your arm on them to stop them and force them to "hear me!", but is that really what you want to do? "Love me!" as a demand never works. [/quote]

WOW - and the older parents have entered the conversation. Way to completely miss the point. What you should be hearing is that lots of people have a similar experience with their older relatives not being interested in their lives. It's not always about wanting to talk about your problems to your parents?!. It is often just wanting to be included in the conversation or sharing wins or accomplishment of the grandchildren, etc. The reverse of what you claim is also true, they might not feel as if they have agency in your life, but similarly I have ZERO agency or interest in hearing about their neighbors kids medical problems, or the lady at her church's son who recently lost his job and yet she will talk about it ad naseum, along with every ache, pain, and medical issue they and every one of their friends have. It's a 2 way street, that's all the OP is saying and you arent' getting it. [/quote]

OP here, yes, thank you! I have no desire to talk to my parents about my problems because I will just get unsolicited advice. Just simple conversation about work/life/kids that's a back and forth, 2 way street conversation. I can't get a word in edge-wise. And it's the same conversation over and over and a lot of gossip about people I've never met. I could map out the family tree of her former coworkers, but she couldn't tell you the name of my business partner of a decade with a gun put to her head.[/quote]

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