Reply to What is the parenting secret of Orthodox Jewish families?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Like Catholics, Mormons, and other religious groups with big families, they expect the older children (especially the older daughters, but sons too) to help. It’s a lot easier to handle a bunch of kids when the big ones change diapers, wipe noses, put on shoes, read books, etc. [/quote]

+1. I saw a group at a playground yesterday and my first thought was "I bet they were really glad the first 2 kids were girls" because the older girls were doing a lovely job helping the little ones, while the two oldest boys ran around with sticks. Not that boys couldn't help, but the gender divisions are pretty strict with the way they are raised, so they wouldn't naturally be asked to.[/quote]

At risk of being a gender essentialist … sometimes girls really like to interact with and mother their younger sibs. I wasn’t like that to an extreme but I definitely really loved taking care of my baby sister born when I was 12. And my 8 year old sister was extremely close to the baby and was constantly playing school etc. [/quote]

Same. My parents were very anti gender roles and would have loved to dress me in unisex/boy clothing. I showed them! I only wore pink and dresses (still do). I was beyond thrilled to take care of my younger siblings (8 years younger). I was a nanny throughout high school and college. Sometimes it’s not how you’re raised, sometimes people just gravitate towards certain things. I see this with my own kids. I have one girl who is a tomboy and the other wants to be a princess. It’s nothing I did. Not all kids resent taking care of others, but I know some do of course. My son has lots and lots of chores and does the same ones as my girls. I’m not raising a boy who watches women work while he sits.

To answer op, I think the people who have large families know how to take care of them and also like kids. The same can’t be said for most moms. Also, none of those families practice gentle/permissive parenting. Even if they don’t spank, bad behavior is NOT accepted.

My permissive parenting friends let their kids do anything. The other day at a playdate my friends two kids started jumping on her couch and she let them. I told my kids no, don’t get up there too. The friend was shocked and said they weren’t hurting anything. Ffs. Kids need to learn how to respect everything. [/quote]

As a non abusive Catholic mom of a big family, I agree with this. No gentle or permissive parenting of a large family. Privileges like screens and sweets and fun are EARNED not the baseline. Kids are brought up to respect the parents who are their natural authority (underneath God) and to contribute to the good of the family (God’s design and plan). My  oldest who is 13 is a boy and he does not gravitate towards childcare or younger kids, but he is able to perform his role in the family to look after his younger siblings and guide them as God designed for him (due to his birth order).

Does that make sense? It’s a different way of looking at the world than secular culture which does contribute to child behavior imo. Plus, 90 mins a week of mass with no entertainment and only boredom and hymns and liturgy does help forge self control and self restraint. [/quote]

I come from a big family and there was lots of permissive parenting in my family. I actually think it's incredibly common with big families if the parents feel overwhelmed -- they just give up. I also just got back from spring break travel and I can assure this tradition is alive and well in 2025 -- I saw a ton of families with 4 or 5 kids just letting their kids totally run amok in public spaces because they were so clearly overwhelmed. When you've got twin 8 yr olds, a 6 yr old, a 4yr old, a 1 yr old, AND you are pregnant, you are going to hit a point where you just DNGAF. [/quote]

right. this is OP. My family was permissive when the wheels started to fall off after some big traumas. Like literally zero parenting except putting food on the table.[/quote]

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