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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband told his AP awful things about me and our marriage that I can’t un-know. It’s been over a year of working on the marriage since discovery and we are largely in a good place but those words haunt me. Any advice? [/quote]
You can’t put Humpty Dumpty back. Now you know what your husband is really like. Figure out if you can make peace with this version of him and have a back up plan. I assume you’re staying for the kids. You might want to look at the Surviving Infidelity forum. I don’t know if EMDR therapy is something you want yo consider.[/quote]

This.

I spent a long time after my husband's first affair trying to find the thing that was going to make it feel healed. Maybe he needed to write me a timeline, or write the OW a letter, or read a book, or get into therapy . . . But he did everything in a half-hearted and unsatisfying way.

Eventually I just did my best to let it go. And I understood that even though I couldn't trust him (or really, any other human 100%, but especially him), I could trust myself to figure it out if he cheated again.

He had a second affair and we're getting divorced now.

In my experience, the infidelity was just a symptom of his lack of emotional maturity and lack of concern for others. He's self-absorbed, easily distracted, never satisfied, etc. So yeah, of course he had an affair. But even if he managed never to cheat again, he was still that guy. Is that your concern, OP? You are starting to see what sort of a man he really is?[/quote

I think this is helpful - the never satisfied always wanting more rings true. ]

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