Reply to People who were raised in a “partner comes first” household

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think this "date night" thing is strictly American. I'm from Europe and no parents do date nights. Family is about raising kids and kids come first until they're old enough to manage themselves. In other words the amount of help decreases as the kids get older. People rarely spend time as a couple, but spend time in groups of extended families. And then once kids are older I don't put my husband first, I put myself first. As a person, an individual. American society is overly focused on sex, it's almost like there's nothing else interesting in life except sex. [/quote]

I'm American but this is how we do it. I think date night was invented by wealthy Americans because to me the idea of spending money on an evening babysitter just to go out alone with my spouse, [b]when I could spend some time alone with my spouse after the kids go to bed, is nonsensical.[/b] But I'm middle class and have a million things I'd rather spend money on than babysitters.

And yes, as a mom in particular, as my kids get older, my focus is on myself. Moms needs to reclaim ourselves as our kids gain independence. My DH doesn't need me to focus on him -- he's an adult!

[b]I also don't get the thing about needing to "stay connected."[/b] Your are married, you are raising kids together. You see each other daily, presumably sleep in the same bed. Of course we are connected. How would a date night change that? Can you only talk to your spouse when your children are in a different location? [b]That's weird[/b].[/quote]

You don’t understand why a couple might want to go dine at a restaurant that isn’t child friendly?  See an R rated movie?  Talk to each other and connect out at a restaurant or place outside of the home?

Did you only stay at home pre-kids?  When you dated your husband, were all your dates at home?

The only American women I know who don’t go on date nights seem to dislike their husbands and have an unhealthy obsession with their children.

[/quote]

Not that poster but family time important.   I have zero interest in going to a movie.  And, zero interest in overpriced restaurants too.   It’s unhealthy not to spend time with your kids.  My parents were like you.  Pretty much no relationship as adults.  And, they suck as grandparents.   I have to force mine to see them yearly.  [/quote]

Whoa you took that in a very different direction than what PP said!! Prioritizing a date night is not the equivalent to not spending time or valuing time with kids or the family.  Are you always such a black and white thinker?[/quote]

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