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[quote=Anonymous]Totally depends on the needs/personalities of the individual parents and kids and the dynamics of the careers the parents are in. In particular, some careers are more forgiving of a break than others.

I've seen lots of different mixes of SAH/WOH/WAH/FT/PT among my friends and family etc. Regardless, it works when you can be flexible and just do the best you can to meet everyone's needs. If one person has a "big job" (lots of hours, travel, not flexible), life usually works best if the other spouse has a very flexible job. If both spouses have big jobs you need another consistent adult caregiver for the kids and need to consistently show the kids in other ways that they are important to you.

DH and I don't have big jobs. What worked for me was to be SAH from birth until our youngest (of 2) started kindergarten. No, the kids don't really remember those years, but I do and I loved that time of my life. It allowed for a lower stress way of living that was more responsive to the kids needs than we could have been with 2 busy careers. I freelanced occasionally to keep up career connections.

I had no trouble getting a FT job when I was ready and college funding was a big motivation for that. Through elementary DH and I both mainly worked OOH but with reasonably flexible jobs, little travel. The kids liked going to aftercare at their school because it was essentially a big playdate with their friends. A long-term benefit of all this friend bonding time is that they ended up with really strong friendships that have, so far, lasted into college. DS currently shares a house at college with a guy he's been friends with since 2nd grade.

When the oldest started middle school, DH felt strongly about a parent home after school (he'd been a kid who got up to trouble!). He was able to switch his job to mostly WAH (this was pre covid) and that continued into HS (and then I became FT WAH because of covid).

I'm also glad I went back because DH ended up getting laid off right before our youngest started college. He was able to just retire because we can live fine on my salary. And, by that point, college was fully funded and retirement savings in a good place. This would have been a much bigger problem if I'd never gone back to work.[/quote]

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