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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is the inability to orgasm, with or without a partner, a sure sign of being asexual?[/quote]

I’m stuck on ‘inability.’. how hard have you tried?  I’m a 50YO divorced F.  It took me a long time to learn what makes me O (I was probably 30), and it takes a while with each new partner to show them.  And I’m not particularly inhibited, I’m just wired tricky.  I imagine if I had been raised with sexual inhibitions (say, Catholic, taught that touching myself was bad, etc) I can imagine never having figured it out, but it doesn’t mean I’m unable, it just took work.  have you put in the work?[/quote]

For context, she wasn’t aware of solo until her 20’s. She may have had an O once solo. But isn’t sure. I want her to find pleasure and enjoy the closeness. Getting her to open up to express likes/dislikes is a struggle.

I don’t believe she has ever used a vibrator,  toys, watched or read erotica, etc.  I bought a little toy and a book on basic intimacy. Neither drew interest, as they were our of her  comfort zone.

She is comfortable with the standard position. However, a different routine or exploration has been a no-go since the honeymoon phase.

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It seems like she is super open and honest with you about her thoughts and feelings on this.  
Why do you keep saying that it’s a struggle to get her to open up?    
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In some ways, yes. On the other hand, she hasn’t opened up about what she likes, desires, etc.[/quote]

Wait.  You think she has secret desires that she isn’t sharing with you, even though she loves you and knows that you desperately want her to have these?  She’s just keeping them to herself?

Do you think that my husband also has secret desires to go to the ballet, but he won’t share with me the specific ones he loves?  Or do you think he’s telling the truth when he says that what he likes is being with me and knowing how much I love it?

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