Reply to Should I divorce my high functioning alcoholic husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]One reason for my hesitation is right now he is a great dad, I know it may not last but right now he’s doing great with the kids, sometimes I feel like he’s a better parent than me because he plays sports with them and my kids love sports. He coaches their teams too. Another painful thing for me is that my kids do not understand why I’m upset. They might blame me for everything if I leave. -op[/quote]

OP. I am going to reiterate. You need to get to a place where you make decisions and are at peace where the chips fall. Please, please please get help. I cannot stress enough, this is not something you want to mull over or just stew in alone (or with the internet). Work on you and get yourself in a space where you can decide how you want to approach the entire situation, including engaging with your husband on the issue or just getting a divorce. But you can't stew in this worrying about what could happen. You need to take care of yourself and get your own head together. Then you can make good decisions and have peace with them.[/quote]

I can’t right now, I feel pathetic. I can’t pull myself up. I selfishly want to just end my life.  Al-anon meeting was fine, people sharing their pain and all, I’ve done therapy in the past too. I know, I must sounds horribly pathetic and you are right on that.  I know women who’ve had it worse than me stayed strong. -op[/quote]

Hugs OP. The physician had some wise advise. You gotta work on you, for your kids. You gotta set those boundaries and most importantly you gotta get the support you need so you can do this. Part of the reason you can't pull yourself up and you feel like your husband is this great parent is the immense load you are bearing by loving an addict. Setting boundaries and getting help for you is the only thing you can control right now.

- someone who was in your shoes 6 years ago, down to the "better parent than I am" and wishes I'd spent more time working on myself and my boundaries then instead of having to do it with a no-longer-functioning alcoholic husband[/quote]

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