Reply to Should I divorce my high functioning alcoholic husband?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I am the physician. I am waiting for my kid's class, so I have some time to speak to your questions.

I think the whole framework of looking at your husband isn't going to be as helpful as thinking through the big question -- what should you do? I think that really is the underlying and most constructive thing to work through than thinking through his choices. You can only make you own decisions. And for your sake, I truly hope you seek to make decisions to be fully at peace with things unfolding, regardless of how they unfold.

I cannot strongly enough getting mental health support. NOW. Al-Anon is a good help, but there are many things that can help you manage and work through your life and the hard choices we all have to make. I have a good friend who pays alimony and child support but she felt divorce was the right choice. Others decide to stay together and work through whatever issues there are. You need to decide what you can do and what you are willing to do.

In that, I think the answer to your question to your post is ... do you want to divorce your husband? Or do you want your husband to get healthy and support that? Or do you want to try to explain to him your boundaries regarding his health (and yes, this is a health issue, we aren't kids and shouldn't be drinking much despite what people do). If you refuses, are you at peace moving on and making decisions to set yourself and your children up for success?

The other thing I will say is to make it clear that you feel like there is an issue with alcohol in your home. Tell your family. Tell his family. Tell his friends if he has anything. Tell yours. Don't sit in secret. There is NOTHING to be ashamed of and if he is mad you are sharing your feelings, then tell him first, and give him the opportunity to get well by going to the doctor, getting on medication and stop drinking for a period of time to see if he is, indeed, someone who is dependent on alcohol to cope with life, to unwind, to have a good time, etc.

I really hope you get through this in the best way possible. [/quote]

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