Reply to Don’t want to host nephew for the summer

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Not great for a 16 yo to be in a different city "renting" on their own, even with a friend. Your friend isn't family. I get you don't want to do this. Just know that it will always be remembered that you didn't. If you don't care about being that person, then hold firm.[/quote]

+1
Unfortunately this is true.

I cannot stand kids like you describe him to be.  TJ is full of them - it must be a prerequisite to get in there.  My kid left the school because of that arrogant academic behavior.  So I get it.

You need to have a very direct conversation with your sibling about appropriate/respectful behavior.  You are in the position to really change his life.  He needs these social skills IRL also and now he has the opportunity to learn and practice them along side your kids.  This could be the conversation that you have when he displays the behavior "Nephew, it seems like you are very responsible and bright- clearly this is a gift that comes naturally. 
 We all have gifts and areas for growth.  It looks like your growth area might be reading emotions and having an appropriate social response. 
How do you think Larlo feels when you say XX?"

On the other hand, you are absolutely not obligated.  You are the one holding the power card here.  You can say no, and that comes with social consequences for you within your family.  If you are ok with that (I'm not), then you can just flatly refuse.

Personally, knowing this, I would do it.  I also would not hesitate to call him out and correct his bad behavior.[/quote]

Agree with all of this. And I have a very deeply dysfunctional family and have spent years learning how to set boundaries. I would absolutely host this kid for a life-changing opportunity, and I would also learn how to set boundaries around his conversations so that he isn't damaging to your kids. maybe even talk to a therapist about what kind of language to use to do this. Contrary to what social media is leading us to believe, therapists are actually very good at helping you set reasonable boundaries in order to KEEP RELATIONSHIPS.

You can do this, OP. You will live to regret saying no, because it will damage your relationship with your entire family, and this is a solvable problem. [/quote]

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