Reply to Really tough morning with teen - did I do the right thing?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think PPs appreciate that this isn’t a special trip. It’s an afterschool activity he does regularly for two months. I would totally tell my kids no for a night of ski club if they did not follow through on a more important commitment (ie schoolwork, chores they are expected to do) and needed to reclaim that time.

I think not letting him participate is appropriate - but it would have been much better handled if you laid out the expectations ahead of time and let him know it was coming. When he asked you to back off would have been the time to iron out expectations and consequences and opportunities to check in and change course… in a perfect parenting world. I can see why finding out day of would feel like rug was being pulled out under him, especially if he has felt like he has been trying.

I think you have an opportunity to do that now. Missing ski club tonight is fine and a logical consequence for not having made time for school work and he needs to know you’re not going to just tolerate that. But I would apologize to him for not more clearly laying out your expectations in advance, acknowledge that you understand why he is upset and you could also have done better, and brainstorm with him on a better system where you don’t need to be micromanaging him but he’s more aware of the consequences and can check in with you along the way.[/quote]

OP here - it was laid out ahead of time. I told him all week that if he still had missing work by Friday, he would not be allowed to participate in anything this week. Yesterday afternoon immediately after school, I reiterated that I still see he is missing all of the work and that he would not be going on the ski trip Friday if he doesn't get it done. I offered my help, as usual. He did nothing.

We have taken away weekend plans in the past when homework wasn't finished. This isn't the first time - just the first time it was a ski trip.[/quote]

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