Reply to How do you deal with friends having affairs?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "How do you deal with friends having affairs?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Those teens are feeling their chemistry— I’m sure it is palpable. Don’t lie to your kids[/quote]

I can't, they are old enough to have their own opinions and also distance themselves.  They don't want to distance from their friends, it's not their fault.  It's adults screwing things up, and a sad adult like myself caught in the middle inadvertently and not handling this burden well. [/quote]

Why are you respoonsible for handling a burden here? The. Kids. Can. Get. Together. Under their own steam. They aren't little kids. Meanwhile you can stop being caught in the middle by removing this woman from your life. If this is a case of "But we're in a larger social group of families that do things together" etc. -- you are not too old to find new friends and break out of the social circle stuff. Yes, I'm the PP from above. I just am sorry to keep hearing you sound like you feel so trapped and have to keep the relationship. You really don't have to! [/quote]

Sorry if I wasn't clear, it's not just about the kids, it's about me as well.  I do not want to break the friendship that means so much to me, I just feel like my world is crushed. Especially if I have to break away from the entire circle my social life (whatever little I have) revolves around for years now.  I have memories going back years, photos, trips together, going through difficult decisions together and it's just one of them, a challenge. I don't think that doing what you suggest to do will make me better psychologically.  I think this will be something I will deeply regret.  The "lover" may be a temporary thing and I already distanced my family from this person.  Now I need to make sure my friend knows and makes a decision appropriately.

The future of their marriage or the affair shouldn't be my concern to control in any way.  My burden is that my friend doesn't know about my feelings about the "lover" and why.  And this is what needs addressing.  If something happens and divorce is in the picture and the "lover" suddenly becomes a new spouse then it's possible that I will be the one dumped..  But in that case it will be my friend betraying me and I won't have regrets that our journey had ended.  [/quote]

Wow, OP. So this is the real crux of it. You are using your children’s friendships as a smokescreen for why you aren’t being honest with your friend. But really it’s all about protecting your social life. Be a person of integrity and confront your friend. Time to talk about the elephant in the room. Tell her what you have observed, and that many people have speculated that they are having an affair - including your children. [/quote]

+1000

OP, unless you are able to talk to this woman face to face and frankly, you are not actually friends. Not real friends. She's part of this "social circle" you want to maintain, and all those photos and memories--how many are about actually deep stuff, shared difficulties, shared emotion?

Your posts are strongly indicating you feel you will lose your whole social circle and all friendships if you ditch this ONE person.. Asking seriously and not with criticism: Do you not have other friendships outside this particular circle?

Listen to the PP above. Have the integrity to talk to her face to face. This is eating you up or you wouldn't be here asking strangers for a read on it. You are giving this person's terrible choices a HUGE amount of your mental real estate, OP; why are you permitting that? Tell her that people are speculating she is having an affair and yes, be clear that the teenagers all believe it too. I think you won't because you're scared of her, frankly -- scared thta she will cut YOU out and maybe even separate her teens from yours, if you are honest with her. But you can have integrity, or you can have her friendship and keep the whole social circle nice and safe. While eating yourself up inside and while you model for your teens that, eh, whatever, people who cheat are fine by you. You don't mean for your kids to get that message, but they are kids, and that is how they'll read your actions. What will you choose to do? [/quote]

This is why I don’t mix my friend groups[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics