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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is she actually ready for college if it was like pulling teeth to get her to apply and now she isn’t interested in any of her choices?[/quote]

+1. It’s very strange that OP thinks she should have pushed more and made more decisions for her daughter. This is their process, not ours.[/quote]

I don't think that's what she's saying.  She regrets not having provided stronger guidance at a more opportune time.[/quote]

Right. At several points she had the opportunity to submit more applications, said I'll do it later, then [b]she said she didn't want to bother.[/b] I should have insisted more, but I didn't want to cause more conflict and stress.[/quote]

This is on HER. My daughter is the same. She applied to 3 schools. If she doesn't get in to the one she's actually interested in, it's on her because she didn't put more effort into her application and she didn't seriously search for a backup that she'd be enthused, if not somewhat excited, about.[/quote]
dp.. I get what you are saying, but this is not a situation where she decided to not take a jacket even though you told her that it was going to be really cold, and she was really cold all day.  That's a one day natural consequences.

This is about 4 years of their lives.

I would've insisted more.  Some teens just can't strategize for long term. And no, I'm not talking about top tier, but even colleges  like UMD are getting really hard to get into for  middling students.[/quote]

I don't believe it was a matter of not being able to strategize. She just had no idea what she wanted or where to begin to figure it out.
On paper, she should be a shoe-in for the one college.[b] The mistake I fear she's made is being so confident she'll be accepted[/b]. That will be the hardest life lesson she's ever had if she isn't. I don't have a sense of her chances for the other two.

But I can't fill out the applications for her. I can't write the essays for her - though I know some parents do. She wouldn't even let us proofread her essay. Best I could do was set her up with a friend of ours she was comfortable to let help her and find the balance of pushing her forward but not pushing too hard. And nag her.

She had no clue what she was looking for - or should look for - in a college and wasn't taking any initiative to figure it out. We eventually just signed her up for some college tours and told her we were going. She needed to get onto some campuses and start getting a feel and figuring something out about what she might like or not like. I think, along with having no clue what she wants to study, she was overwhelmed. WAnting to not go too far away and looking for a few specific boxes to check, the options were greatly narrowed. Too narrowed.
All we can do is hope her presumption of acceptance to the one school is right.[/quote]
I'm the PP... yes, exactly what happened to my older DC now at UMD.   Applying broadly is part of the strategy.  I didn't help with any of the essays, either.   They let me finally look at everything once they were done and ready to hit "send" just to have a second pair of eyes on it.

Yes, it's overwhelming. I agree. Like I said, most kids are not mature enough or have the drive to be really organized and know where to start.  IMO, that's where parents come and help them organize their thoughts.  Trouble is, like your kid, a lot of kids don't even want to start thinking about it until it's too late.  Sorry, but I'm not going to let such an  important life decision to natural consequences.  College is super expensive. We are investing close to $200K on four years of their lives. That's a serious commitment.

IMO, the hardest part of all this for most kids is being organized.    So, you help (push) them to be organized.

It's really maddening. You are damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

It's too late now for your DC to lament not starting earlier.  I agree with PPs that you should put a positive spin on it. "No use crying over spilled milk". Help your DC get excited about the college they will be going to.

My DC who ended up at UMD was not excited about it until the day before move in.  UMD was their last choice, but for the most part, their only choice, but they seem satisfied with being there, though of course, they would've been happier with their first choice.  Still, they are doing ok, if not ecstatic. They have a good internship lined up for the summer.[/quote]

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