Reply to Does hiring childcare make me a bad parent?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you need extra help around the clock, then you need the help. Since you can afford it, better to pay for it and have it then for your kids to be neglected or poorly cared for.

But don’t talk about it at work. [b]It doesn’t make you look great as a parent (that you need 3 adults for 2 kids)[/b] and it sounds bright about money. [/quote]

I disagree. It makes her sound like a parent who is putting their resources to their kids instead of a new car or whatever else.

There aren’t extra points for drudgery and I think it’s ridiculous that people act as though there are. I just got in from sledding with my kid, the babysitter made a big healthy brunch, and now I’ll eat it with my kid. If I want to go sledding (which I do) and I want her to eat better than cheerios (which I do) I can either outsource or wake up earlier to pre-make brunch. It’s not better parenting to be tired on a Sunday morning. [/quote]

That’s fine. If you aren’t able to make your child breakfast and do an activity on a weekend and you have the money, then definitely hire help. As I said, your child needs to be cared for. And if in your house you would only be able to do either a meal or an activity, then you need more adults to meet your child’s basic needs. But it doesn’t make you look good so don’t talk about it at work. The vast majority of parents can and do feed their kids and do activities on weekends. Even on this thread, your perspective that it would be too exhausting for a parent to both give their child breakfast and go sledding isn’t one that many can relate to. [/quote]

OP here. I don’t know many parents with childcare who don’t spend weekends with their kids. Most childcare providers are only there when the parents work.

We have childcare while we work and now to maintain her employment. [/quote]

No one at your job cares in any way if you have childcare while you work. Every working parent has childcare while they work. Your thread was about having additional adults in the home to help while parent(s) are at home.[/quote]

This. If OP was just talking about having a nanny, no one would have said anything because obviously everyone who works needs childcare of some kind and a nanny is a standard kind of childcare. With multiple kids it is often as cost effective or more so than daycare.

OP was going on about getting a night nurse for her infant and making sure people knew she was going to have the nanny continue to take care of her toddler during her maternity leave. That's fine -- I don't think there is anything wrong with either of those, especially not the nanny since of course you will have the nanny continue to work through your leave, there's no other solution that makes sense. But it's obnoxious to be advertising this [i]at work.[/I] OP says childcare came up with other moms in the office but that the one coworker only seemed to judge her. Well that's likely because OP is in an outlier situation with more help than most people have and was providing more details about that than she really needed to.

OP sounds insanely defensive about what appears to be a pretty privileged situation. This is not the coworker's fault at all. This is all about OP and her own feelings about her lifestyle. Maybe she grew up with a lot less or married into wealth and just feels guilty. Well that's OP's problem to solve. For all we know the coworker wasn't actually judgmental, or was actually judging the fact that OP was bragging about all the help she has in a workplace where most people likely have a lot less.[/quote]

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