Reply to It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin.

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "It's me - the DIL with the in-laws and drama around their cabin."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here -

DH's family is a mess. FIL pitched selling their primary residence undervalued as a benefit to BIL/SIL but never ended up moving out. BIL/SIL cared for FIL as he was on hospice and now care for MIL as she's still not in AL. They've had to take time off work; it's been a considerable expense and time suck for them. I check in on MIL during the day as I am self-employed and bring her lunch. DH works 4 AM - 4 PM and visits on the weekends.

SIL floated the idea of a HELOC (or a reverse mortgage) to pay for MIL's care. The suggestions on this thread make it very clear that the cabin needs to be sold—end of story. I am not going to entertain this foolishness anymore.

The challenge is that DH's family is so emotionally attached to the cabin on a sentimental level that they will fight and argue about it.[/quote]

Your DH needs to do more.  He visits on the weekends?  He should be doing the work for his mom soley on the weekends, take a 24-32 hour shift and do it. Sleep there.  Take on the care of his mother so his sibling and wife get a break.  Every weekend.

Not fair your BIL/SIL are responsible for FIL and MIL.  NOT COOL.  My mom works FT is doing this now while her siblings (2 of which are retired) and all live within 7 minutes "visit" when they feel like it.

Until your MIL is in assisted living the other siblings need to do more.  What does your DH do after work?  Go over and take care of his mom to give his sibling a break.  Nothing is worse than someone who "visits."

My mom said she had to stay overnight because the nurse who was meant to stay over called out sick and she went home to shower and get new clothes the next morning (a new nurse came before she left).  When she went back an hour later to check on her mom her brother was there on his phone with his wife. Not paying attention or doing anything for his own mother. My mom made a comment and her brother goes, "I have been here all morning where were you?" He clearly hadn't.  She left an hour ago and he wasn't there and he thought sitting on his phone was enough.  Not when my mom changed diapers and was up throughout the night.

Your visits are not enough.  Caregiving is draining even with the 24/7 care my grandmother gets because people cancel.  Did I also mention one of her sons lives with her?  He got divorced, but always goes to visit his gf/ go to the gym, so if someone cancels last minute he can't possibly cancel on his gf or not work out.

Maybe you SIL is confused with the HELOC because of all the caregiving she's had to do and can't think straight.

My mom called me in tears one day (in public) because she was so exhausted.  She has only cried when her dad died and not hysterical.  She felt mortified later, but told me caregiving broke her.  She has like 30+  pounds all due to stress.  Being a caregiver and not getting rest sometimes makes you crazy.  Do more for those who care for your MIL or make your DH do it.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics