Reply to Why do parents punish the more successful children?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

Doubt it because the family patterns and way of doing things are hard to break. My sister never worked in her life. It was always, [b]"oh, she has it haaaard, she has kids[/b]".  Guess who got nothing for having kids and working?[/quote]

This is my family too! My sister is a mess- SAHM (with hobbies that take a lot of time and money- and get in the way of taking care of her kids) and the rest of the family caters to her because “it’s so hard! She has kids!”

Meanwhile, I have kids and a full time job and  it is never acknowledged that it might be hard. I’m always expected to travel to them, rearrange my work schedule/plans, etc. It’s ridiculous [/quote]

It's crazy how common this dynamic is. Me too.

At first it was "well your sister has kids and you don't so she needs more help." Nevermind my sister is 4 years older than I am so unless I wanted to get married and have kids while I was still in college, she was always going to be the first to have them. Then it was "well she has more kids" or "well her kids have more issues" or "well they struggle more with money because your sister doesn't work."

Eventually I just let it go and now I expect literally nothing from my parents in terms of support or visits or even interest in my children (or my job for that matter). And we have a better relationship because my expectations are basically on the floor. Meanwhile my sister has a very contentious relationship with them because she continues to demand a lot of them but they are getting older and just can't live up to it.

I did draw the boundary with my parents that I cannot be their sounding board or complaints department for their relationship with my sister. My mom really tried to push that, coming to me every time my sister got upset with them to talk it through with me and get my sympathy and support. I just grey rocked them on that point. I don't want to be involved. They and my sister created this very enmeshed, unhealthy relationship that made it hard to impossible for the rest of us to have good relationships with either our parents or our sister. I don't want to be involved in it or be the go-between. They are adults, they can sort it out themselves.[/quote]

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