Reply to Does anyone else believe in Mel Robbins's Let Them theory

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think even the author claims this is anything new. Like a lot of books in this genre, I think the idea is that sometimes good ideas need to be presented different ways to be meaningful or helpful to people. Brene Brown didn't invent the ideas of letting go of shame or using empathy in relationships, but she describes them in relatable ways that have helped people so why not (I'll also note Brown is actually an academic who spent years studying the concept of shame in psychology so she probably does know more about it than most).

I haven't read this book and likely won't, but I thought the NYT article on Robbins was interesting and I understand her appeal. I also think the idea she's promoting here is useful and needed for a lot of people. It's not about just letting everyone do what they want. It's about not engaging directly with people whose actions feel threatening or critical to you. So like if your parents are upset that you don't drag your kids across the country to spend Christmas with them, then you just let them be upset and make decisions that make sense for you family. You don't take your parents' feelings on as your own because those are not your feelings. You let your parents feel what they feel, respectfully, but you don't feel the need to contort yourself or your life to "fix" [I]their[/I] feelings.

Groundbreaking? No. Helpful for many people who struggle with this precise issue in many interpersonal relationships? Yes. I started learning to "let them" about 10 years ago and I'm still working on it but it's been really helpful. In recent years I discovered that if I'm struggling to "let them" it helps if I go lift weights. So now I'm physically stronger and fitter and also mentally better off. Win-win.

If this book helps people, well... let them be helped! Who cares if it's not for you?[/quote]

So well said.It's not new, but she ads an appealing spin and it's useful to me. it helps you accept people as they are not be codependent controlling or controlled by others and their emotions and manipulations.[/quote]

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