Reply to SN parents, why don’t you disclose or share?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Wow, I’m a SN mom and I can’t believe the responses you’re getting here. OP, thank you for being kind and supporting this friendship and this young child.

Some reasons they might not have told you:

In kids this age, diagnoses are often in flux. Different providers disagree. Parents are trying to tease out what seems right. There are a million theories and protocols and it’s overwhelming.

[b]A lot of parents will be cruel, will decide the end the friendship, will judge, will talk behind our backs. [/b]

It’s an emotionally fraught journey to accept that one’s child has SN and even a simple playdate requires so much planning and strategy. It’s sad, exhausting, and challenges a lifetime of assumptions.

Thank you for giving this child and her family so much grace. Now you know what the “hacks” were for this time. Now, keep in mind that kids change so fast and that’s equally true for SN kids. Those same things might not work next time. But I would gently ask before you host again. Something like this: “I realized last time that Anna really wanted to eat X. Should I plan for that again? What else can I do to make sure she has a good time?”[/quote]

OP. this is a good response.     I am an SN parent.

The bolded part has been our experience, with at-the-time moms' friends (who I add are no longer friends).

You can not believe the responses I was met with when I opened up to individuals...and then not-so-well meaning gossip spreads.   DS pre-emptively not invited to parties and outings and playdates.  Mean things said to DS.   When I told a friend mom on our street , who feigned "genuine concern" about DS (her DD and DS were friends and in school together), a bit about our struggles and DS, she snapped back, "Autism, what is he doing in OUR school??  He needs to go somewhere else!!!"   This was over 10 years ago and she has never spoken to me since that time.  Her DD became un-friended from DS immediately  (they had ToT'd, played on the street with other friends, etc.)    Looking back, there is a fine line to being honest and being protective.   One experience will be just that.  There is no playbook or answer manual.

In the OP, given the ask to babysit after school, I do believe the mom owed you more information, but it is not my place to say what/how much.   After your day 1 struggles with kid, you could have offered feedback and asked how to improve rest of the week.   Thanks for be a helpful person.  [/quote]

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