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[quote=Anonymous]Live together before marriage so you can see the reality of what you’re in for co-habiting exposes traits in the other person you wouldn’t otherwise see.

Also, ask questions about their upbringing and family of origin and if possible, get to know their family members well before marriage too. Don’t allow yourself to be surprised by a mentally ill MIL or dysfunctional family dynamics after marriage. Not saying that needs to be a dealbreaker at all but you should know the kind of environment your spouse grew up in/what was normalized to them in their family dynamics growing up and about any possibly heritable conditions or illnesses you should know about beforehand.

Their parents’ or close family members’ addiction or adultery or abuse is a huge indicator of your spouse’s future actions in your marriage.

Do your best to get a feeling for how you’ll deal with big issues: money, kids, kind of big picture goals for the future. You can’t predict everything that’ll happen of course but you can at least ask them how they feel about things like saving/spending/investing, what kind of lifestyle they envision, how they feel about having a spouse SAH if  you have kids, career goals, where you want to live, etc. Again, not necessarily a dealbreaker but good if you align on politics, religion. Great if you have similar sense of humor, similar values, similar beliefs.

Make sure you’re compatible sexually. If you’re mismatched sexually in the beginning it’ll just get worse and worse over time. Marry someone you’re very attracted to physically and have a good chemistry with.[/quote]

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