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Reply to "Elder care from afar"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A broken rib is really not a big deal, if that is all that is wrong. OP didn’t say she punctured a lung or anything serious. I’ve broken many ribs and it’s uncomfortable, that is all. There is often no real treatment either…they don’t tape them any more, usually. I don’t see why this is resulting in so much pressure to move.[/quote] Because, obviously, older people don't heal or recover as fast. And depending on the context, it can mean that she's losing her sense of balance. Or osteoporosis or something. Both will get worse. And her partner has dementia which will also get worse. So, as often happens, a not-that-bad injury is a harbinger of things to come and a wake-up call for the family. She doesn't have to move right now but clearly that's where she's headed. "My boyfriend with dementia will care for me singlehandedly" is not a plan.[/quote] She is actually caring for him and we hate it. One reason to move to sister's area. He won't come with. But I think part of her likes doing it. [/quote] OP is pretty clear she wants mom to leave the dude, not sure why it’s even a debate.[/quote] It sounds like she hates that the mom is burdened with being a dementia caregiver.[/quote] If he had done something to provide for her, I would feel differently. [/quote] This. Partner has spent 30 years protecting his children's interests, rather than securing his and his 30-year partner's interest. OP's mom is going to get screwed in this deal. When will women learn? And the kids will let OP's mom do the heavy lifting for their dad until she can't anymore, taking advantage of her. I'm sure this is why the sister feels panicked--trying to navigate what will undoubtedly be a difficult situation. There really isn't anything to do at this point because the mom is 79 and still hikes. But eventually the partner will need more care than she can give. The sisters need to be preparing for that eventuality. The mom needs to get her financial affairs in order so the sisters know what they're dealing with. Clearly the mom is willing to live in a mess of a situation -- until she can't. [/quote]
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