Reply to What's the best elder model to unburden our own children

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here’s the issue: nobody can predict the future, so oftentimes the elderly are fine until there’s a crisis/medical emergency.

But we know what the pain points will be once the crisis hits:

1. They can’t/shouldn’t deal with steps.

2. They need a flat access shower with grab bars and a chair.

3. They can’t maintain a big house.

4. Emptying a house and selling it is overwhelming.

5. Paying bills and navigating problems becomes challenging.

6. Giving up the car keys is a battle.

7. Paid caregivers are expensive.

8. People starting with dementia never accept their limitations. It’s a battle. They won’t want help. They won’t want to sell their home.

9. Everyone becomes a fall risk.

The more you can do to downsize someplace safe and accessible and streamline your finances, the better. Being near your kids is helpful.

I could go on and say don’t fight with your kids when they want to take your keys away or suggest assisted living…they just want to keep you safe. But old people never get it. [/quote]

Wow, this is a really good list and summary.  So many of my friends' parents did not get out of their houses and then it was a major issue.  My own parents did the same.[/quote]

Yep.

The best thing anyone can do for their kids if they don’t want to be a burden is downsize into a rental with minimal furnishings, ideally in a nearby community with the option for assisted living.

If you haven’t had to empty a 5 bedroom house and sell it, you have no clue how stressful it is—particularly if the elderly parent is averse to moving and in denial about their need for assistance.

Having btdt, I won’t do that to my kids. We plan to downsize early and get everything in order. We will gift cash ahead of time to cover funeral bills, etc. Cremation is easier than a burial.

I wish I could develop a business model for assisted living communities where single teachers and nurses and social workers could live alongside the elderly in more vibrant communities at a deep discount or a token amount. AL communities tend to be depressing. I wish there was a better way. [/quote]

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