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Eldercare
Reply to "What's the best elder model to unburden our own children"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Absolutely I will choose to go to Switzerland or hopefully in a least one state in the United States aid in dying will be available for everyone who wants it. Seeing both my mother and aunt live with dementia has been awful. Both my cousin and I are bearing the brunt of the work while we both have one semi-supported sibling and one estranged sibling who won't help out or visit because they are too busy. It has broken apart our family. I don't want that to happen to my kids. I have no desire to live with dementia and experience that nightmare. I also don't want to burn through 1 million dollars that my mother will have used by the time she dies. She is now on year 7 with seemingly no end in sight. She is eventually going to end up spending all her money and ending up in a state run nursing home. She has five grandchildren who could have used that money for graduate school, a down payment on a house, etc. I would much rather any grandchildren have that opportunity and advantage. [/quote] Meaning what exactly…that as soon as you receive the first diagnosis of dementia but are still 90% with it you will get on a plane? Just trying to understand what anyone practically is saying when you post this.[/quote] I've been looking into this more as my dad declines with FTD. I think about what would happen if I was diagnosed in my 50s with FTD. You really do have to be committed to take action while you're at 90%, and I doubt the majority of people who are being so cavalier will be able to do so. You also have to get your diagnosis very early at the soonest symptoms because once you start declining, you won't have the executive function to do all the things people are saying (POA/plane/Sweden). My dad still doesn't realize the severity of his dementia despite being unable to understand people or communicate half of the time. He thinks he can't remember words sometimes but is otherwise fine. [/quote] You need the help of a loved one who has bought into the plan. I have told every loved one that I do not want to live with dementia. In Canada they are proposing that you can preplan and declare if you read a certain state of dementia you can uses assisted dying. For example, once I am at a certain stage on cognitive testing like the Montreal Cognitive Assessment (MoCA) Test for Dementia. If I score 17 (moderate cognitive impairment/ dementia) or below I wouldn't want to be alive anymore. [/quote] You make it sound so simple for your poor children to have to decide it’s time to kill mom because of how she scored on a test. That’s not how it will go, at all. You will be a different you by then. Your children won’t have you killed. You will find some enjoyment in every day, even if you’re not as smart and independent as you are now, until one day your body stops working. [/quote] This. Even with a test score, I can't imagine my kids flying me to Switzerland so I can kill myself and then going home and continuing like NBD. There are no good solutions, only less terrible ones. My hope is to have enough money saved that I can choose a CCRC with skilled nursing and memory care and at least make the decisions and process easier for my children. We'll sell our house, get rid of our junk, move to the IL part of the CCRC, and let it ride from there. [/quote] The people on this forum are deluded regarding their so-called Switzerland plans. Can you imagine a kid saying to a parent with advanced dementia, "Hey mom! Remember how 3 years ago you said you wanted us to take you to Switzerland when you could no longer pass a cognitive test? Well guess what? You finally failed the test! We now get to honor the request that you no longer remember you even made in the first place. What? You don't want us to take you on one final trip? But you said this was what you wanted! You're not going to know what's going on anyway, so let's get you on that plane." This... will never happen.[/quote] You can't even do that if you wanted to. The person has to, multiple times, assert that they want to do it and must be with it enough cognitively to make that assertion. Anyone who thinks they are going to take the Switzerland approach needs to read Amy Bloom's memoir, In Love. https://www.amazon.com/Love-Memoir-Loss-ebook/dp/B096XGDWSX Her husband, having been through the Alzheimer's journey with his parent, decided he wanted to do assisted suicide when he knew he was getting it too. Couldn't do it anywhere in the U.S. because Alzheimer's didn't meet the rules for any state that allows assistance in dying. Was able to go to Switzerland and eventually choose to go through with it but there are a lot of rules in place to ensure it is that person's individual decision and that they are capable of making it. [/quote]
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