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Eldercare
Reply to "What's the best elder model to unburden our own children"
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Absolutely I will choose to go to Switzerland or hopefully in a least one state in the United States aid in dying will be available for everyone who wants it. Seeing both my mother and aunt live with dementia has been awful. Both my cousin and I are bearing the brunt of the work while we both have one semi-supported sibling and one estranged sibling who won't help out or visit because they are too busy. It has broken apart our family. I don't want that to happen to my kids. I have no desire to live with dementia and experience that nightmare. I also don't want to burn through 1 million dollars that my mother will have used by the time she dies. She is now on year 7 with seemingly no end in sight. She is eventually going to end up spending all her money and ending up in a state run nursing home. She has five grandchildren who could have used that money for graduate school, a down payment on a house, etc. I would much rather any grandchildren have that opportunity and advantage. [/quote] Meaning what exactly…that as soon as you receive the first diagnosis of dementia but are still 90% with it you will get on a plane? Just trying to understand what anyone practically is saying when you post this.[/quote] I've been looking into this more as my dad declines with FTD. I think about what would happen if I was diagnosed in my 50s with FTD. You really do have to be committed to take action while you're at 90%, and I doubt the majority of people who are being so cavalier will be able to do so. You also have to get your diagnosis very early at the soonest symptoms because once you start declining, you won't have the executive function to do all the things people are saying (POA/plane/Sweden). My dad still doesn't realize the severity of his dementia despite being unable to understand people or communicate half of the time. He thinks he can't remember words sometimes but is otherwise fine. [/quote] You need the help of a loved one who has bought into the plan. I have told every loved one that I do not want to live with dementia. In Canada they are proposing that you can preplan and declare if you read a certain state of dementia you can uses assisted dying. For example, once I am at a certain stage on cognitive testing like the Montreal Cognitive Assessment (MoCA) Test for Dementia. If I score 17 (moderate cognitive impairment/ dementia) or below I wouldn't want to be alive anymore. [/quote] You make it sound so simple for your poor children to have to decide it’s time to kill mom because of how she scored on a test. That’s not how it will go, at all. You will be a different you by then. Your children won’t have you killed. You will find some enjoyment in every day, even if you’re not as smart and independent as you are now, until one day your body stops working. [/quote] Have you been around someone with mid to later stages of dementia? There is no enjoyment in every day. It is literally torture. Your body doesn't just one day stop working. It gradually and painfully falls apart[/quote] Yes, my mother-in-law has been declining with Alzheimer’s for 10 years and we found the assisted living community for her a couple of years ago. I wrote what I did because I know that my husband (her son) would be absolutely destroyed if she had some kind of weird advance directive where he is supposed to fly her to Canada and give her a lethal cocktail. It’s hard to see her decline but “putting her to sleep” would cause him a lifetime of guilt. Luckily it’s not legal.[/quote] Does your husband have a sister? It is not common for the son to sacrifice and be really involved, it usually falls toward a daughter. My brother's wife probably thinks the same thing. And if he is really involved maybe he isn't admitting it but I highly doubt he would feel guilty if ending her suffering were legal and that was what his mother made abundantly clear before she declined with Alzheimer's. [/quote] So in order to be right, you have assumed there is a sister? No, he is an only child and you are simply wrong on this.[/quote]
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