Reply to Can someone explain the mentality of never being proactive or organized to me?

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[quote=Anonymous]I am a woman with ADHD.  I wanted to add some perspectives.

When people don't know how to do something they avoid it.  Your DH needs better executive function skills - life at home is actually much harder than work 
If he is willing to go to an executive function coach and work on things, consider that an improvement.

If he is willing to say state the things he is best at and take on more of those (things in the moment are easiest -- doing dishes, etc) that is great.

He could also read some books about how to do better.  Or if he asks for advice about how to do better, try not to be too exasperated -- "Things that work for me are..." goes a long way.

I understand if you are done, but it started with ineptitude, and if you want it to change he needs to learn these things, they did not teach them in school and people assume you just figure them out.

Also I assume he is on meds but if not he needs to be and also needs to be adjusting them if they are not working.  You might also ask him to say what "Working" looks like and have him visualize that and own it.

My husband is not ADHD but has a tendency to take kids late to activities.  I told him this was important to me and he worked on it.  Conversely, he was all into laundry and I said this could easily be outsourced (we can definitely afford that) and he didn't want to do so hnow he does all the laundry.  I do most meal planning and my share of clean up.  But we have to talk about it.  And I have to see things from his perspective as he has to see them from mine, even if his perspectives and mine (eg he gets really control freakish about how much food is in the refridgerator, I prefer having more food around) do not align.  I also understand that we each have strengths and weaknesses. Making dinner for him is super stressful because he cant multitask, whereas this is a good skill for ADHD.  Likewise, I stink at getting teh kids out of bed on time each day.  We try to make to. Good luck OP - you are right to feel pissed but I hope you can make the best decision for your situation.[/quote]

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