Reply to Onlies born to older parents- seems unfair now

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm a paid caregiver and over the decade I've done this work I've seen many families where one child shoulders the vast majority of the burden of eldercare of parents while the other siblings criticize.

Very few families have an ideal dynamic where everyone chips in equitably.[/quote]

I find that surprising. I know many nurses, including hospice caregivers, and yes, of course there can be family issues- every family has some warts- but it is rare that they say that people aren’t grateful for family in times of crisis, especially at the end. There seem to be a large number of dysfunctional families on here. Perhaps the people who post on here are a self selected group, but I don’t know people like this irl. [/quote]

"Grateful for family" and "grateful for siblings that help and make the senior care phase easier" are two different things. Both my parents have/had dysfunctional siblings. If you asked my parents "are you grateful for your family?" they would say yes without hesitation. They would even say they loved their siblings despite various abuses over a lifetime.

But as far as this thread's topic goes, their siblings did not help in the least when it came to caring for my grandparents, and in some cases made it more difficult. Their siblings did not offer support emotionally, physically, or financially. They created drama, they were needy as always, and they made a difficult time even worse. As for "grateful for family in times of crisis," I would say my parents relied on each other, my brother and I, and a couple extended family members like nieces and cousins.

Of the families in my immediate friend/family circle, the majority have neutral experiences when it comes to caring for elderly parents. One sibling usually shoulders most of it, and the others help out a little and at least don't complain or makes things worse. Then 25% are negative where the siblings are problematic and make things worse or completely checkout and don't help at all. And then there are 25% where the siblings are actually supportive and help each other and bear the burden equally.

I daresay even that is skewed a little optimistically.[/quote]

The people I know are grateful for their siblings help during crisis. Of course it’s common that one child does more, not always but at times, but to point out, navigating conflict with people/family is also extremely normal and healthy, and an important life skill. And overall, having sibling and family bonds is preferable/beneficial and it’s hard to find a study that doesn’t support this, despite the anecdotal stories on here of people with gripes they’ve heard about. Again, this post is likely a somewhat self selected group of people who have some social/relationship functioning deficiencies. [/quote]

Where is the research that shows having a sibling is associated with better life outcomes?

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/27/parenting/only-child-siblings-emily-oster.html
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