Reply to Moved into house and husband doesn’t seem interested in doing house projects

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]When I say "decorate" - I don't mean painting the walls or any renovations (yet) - I just mean finding some art to hang, finding ways to organize things, getting some extra furniture that would look nice, upgrading old lights, etc. It's not just a "hobby" - it's work! [/quote]

It’s “work” that YOU think should be done, not him. Since you want it a lot more than him, you should do it.

[quote]But I want my house to look nice and that's something he gets to enjoy too (and I know he wants to get a say in it and doesn't want me to just do everything without his input).[/quote]

He literally does not care. If you don’t do [i]anything[/i] he will still enjoy the house just fine. Try it and see!

Think about something he’s interested in that you don’t care about at all. The Roman Empire? WW2 fighter planes? That’s how he feels about your home decoration efforts. [/quote]

OP here - but I don't think that's a good analogy. If he likes the Roman Empire and wants to engage in that as a hobby, that brings 0 value/enjoyment in my life. That's his thing and has no effect on me. But if I wanted to make small upgrades to the house, how will he not benefit from that? He's living in the house, and sees/uses/experiences the things that I'm doing.

Maybe other husbands don't care about decorations, but I know mine does (and he can actually be quite opinionated about what looks good or not - even if he's not the one looking into it). Doesn't that change things?

[/quote]
It's a perfect analogy. In that scenario the DH gets value, enjoyment and pleasure of the Roman Empire items. You do not. This is exactly how he feels about your perfectly curated set of couch cushions. He DGAF if they are matching or on trend or textured or or or. If he does have an opinion, why wouldn't you at least listen? Why must everything be your way or the highway? You know marriage is a partnership not a dictatorship, right?[/quote]

Lol, ok. I'm not talking about a "perfectly curated set of couch cushions". You're choosing an extreme example of something that I actually would not care about either.

I'm talking about basic things like - there are a large areas of white walls that need some art or photos put up. The bookshelves are a mess and someone should probably organize them so they look presentable. The basement has a bunch of boxes and nothing else - how should we design the space? Our kid's room barely has anything in it; should we get some more furnishings so it looks more like a complete room? Should we get some plants? There's a really gross old light in a room - should we get a new one?

If he has an opinion about any of this - then great, how about he go and make it his project? If he has 0 opinion, then is it reasonable for me to just do it my way? Or am I supposed to accept that I'm going to put in 100% of the effort, but whatever I do, I have to get his approval and, if he says no, I have to go back and suit his needs and all he has to do is sit there and yes or no?

Maybe I'm misinterpreting but I'm sensing that you all want me to accept that he "doesn't care" but also that I should listen to his opinion? Why should he have an opinion if he "doesn't care"?
[/quote]
You have to ignore the people talking about the “male brain” and insisting that your DH doesn’t care about any home decor or organization—they are just projecting.  Men are not a monolith entity with a hive mind.  They are individual people with their own preferences.  My DH cares a lot about how things look, and is perfectly willing to undertake projects to achieve his goals for the house, and that’s true of tons of other guys I know as well.

But your approach still seems unreasonably black and white. Have you sat down with him and had a conversation about your goals for the house, and his, how they will be achieved and the timeline for accomplishing them?  It’s not fair to impose the clearly rather accelerated timeline you envision without his sign off.  And whoever has the lead on a project in the house absolutely needs to listen to the other’s thoughts. If you can’t agree, move on to a non-controversial project and circle back later.  I know my DH became much more comfortable in my taste and decision making abilities as time wore on in our first house, and he now rarely objects to any element of what I’ve proposed.

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