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[quote=Anonymous]You could outsource everything you can, and spend as much time with them as you can, and try it for a year or two, and then see how it is going.

I will say that it is better to do it when the kids are littler.   When there are hitting older elementary and middle school, they need you -- not someone else.

I was feeling stuck in a job, and the kids were doing well, so I went to an intense job, when the older one was 9 and the younger 4.   Then COVID hit, and we both were intense at home working, when the kids had barely any virtual school.  The consequences started showing up about 3 years later, and honestly, I wish I had made different decisions.

I am still doing that job, but less intensely for the past couple of years.   We'll see how that goes:  my evaluations and performance have gone down, but we have been repairing some of the not insignificant damage (mostly to the older kid) and family.   I do like the job, and if I had no kids, I probably would have been promoted again.   But you really can't have it all.   If my spouse were a very nurturing father and in a less intense job, it might have been OK.  But although he is trying, he never will be as much as would be needed.   I have learned that. 
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