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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think people observe a range of fathers doing a range of things and then assemble the anecdotes to support whatever their preexisting view of fathers was. I have seen moms acting detached as well.

[b]Also, a few people have mentioned “just a financial provider” or otherwise minimized that role[/b]. For those (men or women) who do take on that role, it is most definitely a profound expression of love. How do I make sure the family is secure, no matter what happens? The constant planning and worrying. The money doesn’t just magically show up in the bank account.

Now feel free to share your anecdotes of dads who aren’t the main breadwinner and are still detached, as though that proves anything except for your hunger for confirmation. [/quote]

I made a reference to being “just a financial provider” because in one of OP’s earlier posts she mentioned a lot of dads will financially provide, but do nothing more. So my comment is in the context that my DH isn’t “just a provider” but also does “x, y, z.” Not to minimize that role but to show that you can do both.

In our house though DH and I make similar incomes so we share the financial provider role and caregiving role. We made a conscious decision that we’d rather have 2 flexible remote jobs making ~150k so we can both be involved in the day to day lives of our kids rather than prioritize 1 high earner. And it means we’re both leaning out of opportunities to move up. Different families make different choices (I grew to with a breadwinner dad who loved me very much and came to all my sports games, father/daughter dances, etc., made sure I had braces and college paid for, and so on). My mom did not work or otherwise provide financially, but showed love for our family in other ways. [/quote]

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