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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't consider "reciprocating" because when I give, I don't keep a tally or mental note of who we have "given" to and what they "owe" us. I invite the friends I want to invite. I give the gifts I want to give. I plan the playdates I want to plan. I assume others do the same.

If a relationship falls off because the dynamic doesn't work for one or the other party, that's natural consequences. But I wouldn't walk around holding resentment against anyone. I am probably a non-reciprocator in some relationship, and an over-giver in others. Everyone's different. [/quote]

Op here. I feel we are always the ones who are not given to by everyone. I guess I have to accept our situation.

All three of my kids have a lot of friends. It just feels like we do the inviting and hosting 90%+ of the time.[/quote]

I wonder to what degree being a 3-kid family with 3 very social kids is skewing your perspective on this.

I have an only and we are friends with a lot of other families with onlies and I think hosting has a totally different vibe for us because we are genuinely grateful to get together with another family with kids so that our kid has playmates. I really do feel like when another famiily comes to our house to hang out they are doing us a favor on some level because my kid loves it so much. She's also shy and makes friends very slowly. A lot of her friends wind up being similar and there's just generally a very supportive and reciprocal vibe because all us parents are just happy to see our kids making friends and having a chance to socialize however we can.

I wonder if some of the families you feel resentment towards might just be in a very different place -- different number of kids or different kid personalities or different parent personalities. And you have this idea in your head of how it's supposed to be but it's driven a lot by the size of your family and clearly having very social kids and parents in your family. I bet if we asked some of these other families who you feel are "takers" to describe the dynamic they'd have a very different perspective on it that could be eye opening. Not that it would necessarily prove you wrong -- your perspective is as valid as theirs. I just think you are coming at this from a very specific perspective with the expectation that everyone has the same goals as you do and I think probably they don't and that's where the mismatch is coming in.

Just something to think about.[/quote]

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