Reply to Don't send your kids to private school

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[quote=Anonymous]The experience of high school can be stressful anywhere (private or public) for the same reason - direct feedback in your current situation.

You get grades -- you are evaluated by your teachers, a class ranking (so you can see how well you are doing in comparison to your peers), and selected for positions of responsibility in student activities (you are being evaluated by your peers).

It is really the first time a young individual will get judged on their own (or mostly their own) merits from their work in the classroom, the athletic field or in extracurricular spaces -- and that judgment is in the form of where someone gets accepted into college and where they choose to go (for students who have bought into the academic/work rat race).

Of course, there are many people that do not buy into the academic/work rate race and let where they go to college or where they work define their self concept.  But for so many students that have bought into the academic/work rat race (and who derive their self-worth from those sources), it maybe the first time that an individual is experiencing society's value / judgment of that individual's worth (in terms of being a college applicant).  After all what else is there that provides this feedback?  I am not saying that the feedback is always correct -- but there should be other mechanisms in place too (but I did not feel that they were present when I went to school nor where they present when my kids went to school (and recently graduated).

Fellow classmates judge, parents judge, neighbors judge, their school judges (after all there are the senior awards -- and there are not that many awards for the kids that slept through class, performed poorly in school, and/or had lack luster performance on the field or off the field.  Students, parents, extended family (grandparents) and schools strut around like peacocks when a kid gets into a college labeled as desirable.

Submitting one's credentials and getting evaluating and receiving an outcome that is not wanted sucks (especially when you do not get the prize - getting into the colleges labeled as elite or very competitive.

It (being rejected from colleges that you wanted to attend) can either make you focus more on developing those skills valued by colleges (such as academic achievement and skill performance whether it is on the field or in social situations (extracurriculars).

To me, I do see a connection that what colleges want is similar to what employers want that are in business areas that are competitive - those employers want at all -- employees that are hard workers and are in the habit of achieving excellence in their area of work -- as well as socially poised and have great physical stamina - to work longer hours regularly or when needed.  I think that when college admissions are truly merit based - a student gets the best feedback on their current level of value to our country's educational (college) system.  For some kids, it is like going to the bank and realizing for the first time that they don't have enough money (intellectual capital) to pay their bills at a lifestyle level that they would like to live at.  
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