Reply to My wife wants to move and I don't

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op here, and yes, another reason I do not want to move is because our relationship has not been the greatest lately. I'm having a hard time with the baby stage and am probably not giving her the support that she needs. I know she probably has a lot of resentment towards me. I love my child, but I do miss the way life was before they were born. I am in the process of finding a therapist and I will suggest couple's counseling to her. If we were to split though, I do not want to get stuck in the midwest until my kid goes to college. My career goals do not align with that.

I honestly don't know what the answer is. I REALLY do not want to move to Ohio, but Ann Arbor has even less job opportunities for me than Columbus does. I also have a lot of friends here. My wife hasn't really made many close friends in the 8 years that we have been here, even though I have tried to encourage her to do so. She is close to her siblings, but I am not. I actually don't think they like me very much, so I'm not very keen to live closer to them. She has also stopped talking to her family when I am around, so I don't know what she has been telling them about me.

When we moved here 8 years ago, she was just as excited for the fresh start as I was. I didn't drag her here. We've invested so much into our home to make it what we want it to be. The idea of giving up everything we've built here is just unthinkable to me.        [/quote]

It sounds like you are not being the best husband and father.  Therapy is good but just do the work. Do your 50%. You are writing about doing what’s best for you, but what is best for your family and child ?

Honestly she’s probably venting about how you are not being an actual equal parent.  You created this kid so you need to be a parent not “help” not “babysit” be an equal parent and partner.

Do your share but maybe hire cleaners and whatever they can’t do you pick up and just do.  Do you clean the toilets?  Do you make dinner and clean up after?  Do you pay the bills?  Do you wake up with the baby at night a lot?  Do you tell your wife to take a night or afternoon and do what she wants and you watch the baby?

It already sounds like you want to bail and miss child free life.  It gets better but you can’t bail.  Don’t be that person.  Hire out what you can to help your wife.  Ask around if anyone knows a good babysitter or maybe take a trip to Ann Arbor and check it out and ask your in laws to watch the baby for an afternoon so you and your wife can have a date afternoon or something.  You need to step it up.  You’re focusing on yourself without even thinking about your wife.

I didn’t go through PP but I was off for
Month after I had my baby.  My body was all different (I still have a pouch no matter how many core workouts I do), my hormones were off, milk was all over the place, but going through all these changes and not having a partner to share with it would have been very difficult meaning having one there who refused to do their part.  You need to step it up.  [/quote]

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