Reply to Wife hates DC, but my job and friends are here

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would consider whether something else is really at the bottom of this issue, like your wife feels generally unheard/unappreciated, and is focusing on this issue. Are there other resentments that she's not voicing, but are piling on here? Is it like a midlife crisis? I'd try to figure out what's really driving the emotions here, before proceeding accordingly. [/quote]

Oh give me a break. Dc is a nightmare. Everything is way more difficult than it needs to be. It’s perfectly reasonable to hate dc without it being a sign of some hidden issue with the relationship.[/quote]

Why is it a nightmare? I live in DC with my kids and husband. Kids went to DCPS. I grew up in a big city, not in the US. I love DC - so pretty and green. [/quote]

I’ve lived in something like 10 states and 3 countries, so I’m coming at this from a pretty experienced perspective. We live in lower moco and can’t walk to a metro to get to work. Kids are in high school but can’t drive yet.

In my experience, everything in the dmv is way harder than it needs to be, and it’s really an amassing of a bunch of little things compounding in each other. There are two recent trips I can use to illustrate it.

Leave work in dc at 4:30. For some reason they don’t feel the need to work 24/7 on the parkway construction and taking 5 years working 6 hrs a day is totally cool. So you have to snake to get to Clara Barton. Every left turn takes 3-4 light cycles to get through because someone is on their phone, or someone coming from the other way blocks the intersection. It takes you 1:25 to go the 13 miles home. Then stop in at the grocery store to pick something up for dinner,m. The parking spaces are too small and everyone is parked over the lines. People is Escalades park in compact spots. People idle wherever they wanted blocking tesffic in the parking lot. Then get into the grocery store and the produce is terrible. There are no good heads of lettuce, the onion have flys all over them, the garlic barely looks edible. Then the grocery store only has one checked, the rest are self checkout and a bunch of people with full carts are taking their time. Then get home and make dinner and eat. Now it’s 8:30. And that’s summer without having to take the kids to any practices or games. Generally from when I leave my office until I walk through the front door, every interaction is with someone that has no consideration for anyone else. They feel no obligation to do their part to keep the machine oiled and running smoothly.

And i think I explained it, not going to do spell out what a trip to Gaithersburg or Wheaton Costco looks like.

Maybe we’ll feel differently when, like you, the kids are out of the house and we live in the city, if we decide to stay here at that point. But it’s not like this in other places we’ve lived. It’s not a full combat sport to go to the grocery store.

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I really don’t understand how your example is any different than a major city suburb where you decided to live somewhat close…but obviously not close enough.  It’s not DC specific.

We are walking to metro, grocery store (two actually)etc…not surprisingly, life is easier as a result.[/quote]

I was trying to provide a “day in the life” example to give some context to why I feel the way I do. I’ve lived in Tokyo and Los Angeles so it’s not a “I hate big cities” thing or “I can’t stand traffic.” But it’s more wholistic than that. For me, routine things are just more of a pita here than other places, largely due to the people here generally being self consumed and lacking in any sort consideration for others.

Human beings are inherently adaptable, so I can understand how lifelong dmv residents don’t understand this, or how people that have lived here a long time don’t remember what it was like to live somewhere else. My main point was the stand up for the wife of the op a little. They do need to work it out as a couple,  but she’s not off her rocker for hating the dmv.[/quote]

You’ve got some kind of psychological issue. People aren’t worse in DC than other places. You’re just unhappy with the current phase of your life. Maybe you chose to prioritize a big house and “Top schools” over a neighborhood with a shorter commute. PS just get your groceries online. [/quote]

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