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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sometimes. But almost every kid bullies at some point—not all are persistent regular bullies, but every kid in elementary school does something callous and cruel, says something hurtful, or gets caught up in the moment and finds themselves laughing and playing along as someone else gets picked on — it's very normal, and a good kid will realize they did something wrong, and will feel bad and try not to ever do it again. True bullies keep it up.

So much bullying can be so subtle, something that only the victim knows how terribly painful it is...

So I'd say, in a lot of cases, no, the parents don't know... but if it's the kind of thing that keeps up, any decent parent will catch on. Some are oblivious, some don't know what to do, some are fine with it, etc.[/quote]

This! I hate his idea that there are "bullies" and then there's everyone else. Almost all kids do this to some extent because they are testing things out and figuring out social norms and boundaries. [b]I really do think that some of this is normal and that we're pathologizing every incident in a way that almost undermines the truly egregious and concerning ones.[/b]

A kid was being mean to my kid at the start of camp, and my DH was quick to label it bullying and get concerned. It didn't seem that serious to me based on what I heard, and two weeks later, the kids are friends and whatever was going on is long gone.

Kids who are bullying don't typically need a bunch of judgement, and their parents knowing about it is unlikely to stop it. Parents aren't there when it happens, and the kids are not going to listen on this. What the parents need to do is try to be proactive to prevent situations ( ie I was at a party where a kid was clearly mistreating another one, and the parent was right there and didn't step in). I get being exhausted with kids like this, but you have to be vigilant.[/quote]

+1 there should be some grace for kids, and more the younger they are... they're supposed to be learning what not to do, they don't automatically know. It's when it happens all the time and always has that we can start pathologizing. [/quote]
Yes, I agree. Our school counselors really try to make the distinction between bullying (repeated and systematic) and people occasionally being unkind or even just disagreeing. A lot of parents jump right to bullying because they either know it gets people to pay attnetion or think their child should never have any sort of discomfort. [/quote]

PP who has the kid who has both been badly bullied and done some bullying himself—I will say the whole process has left me deeply cynical about the schools' efforts to handle bullying as they literally never did anything for our son. They usually placated our complaints with "This sounds like something we can iron out wiht a little chatting about kindness!" and one time we brought a very specific and upsetting incident to their attention, the teacher, who we had previously always trusted and liked, told us she would handle the matter personally and directly... we hadn't old our son we had said anything to the teacher, but the next day he came home from school in tears and said he was cornered by the bully in the library and the bully said "I'd call you fat boy again but you're such a pussy you'll probably go tell your parents and have them make Mrs. So-and-So call my mom. She doesnt' care fat boy, don't snitch on me again or you'll be sorry!"

So... yeah, I guess to answer the question, some parents dont' care. [/quote]

Schools are the last place you're likely to find a solution to bullying.  I am a former teacher, and I have never seen bullying among adults like I saw among the teachers and administrators in the school I worked in.  How can they be expected to effectively address it among the kids when they are living that culture themselves?[/quote]

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