Reply to My wife thinks I need to see a therapist, I think I'm aware of my problems

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So, you’re a crappy parent in entirely different ways than your parents were crappy, and you’re A-OK with that outcome because you are aware of the differences?[/quote]

No, I’m not okay with being like my parents. I try to not be a crappy parent - what else am I supposed to do? Does talking about how my father is a highly dysfunctional adult child of an alcoholic who didn’t ever come to any of my sports games REALLY have any bearing on how well I handle my kids not putting their shoes on when we’re late for school? I feel like it’s just adding more stress. [/quote]

I'll tell you how therapy helped me -- I was also losing my temper at times with my kids, and my therapist said one phrase that stopped it from happening again.

She said -- you are hypervigilant as a result of trauma. You are reacting to something in the past (in my case, my parents and brother, long story) and applying it to your son.

It took her MONTHS to figure this out. That's why your therapist is asking questions like "what is happening when this happens?." She is trying to figure out what is triggering you, and eventually she will figure out what in your past you are really reacting to.

It takes a skilled therapist and an open patient to really get there, but I found it completely life changing. Now I always can see when I am actually reacting because of a trigger from my past, and am much better at just staying present. [/quote]

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