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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Am I worried about my own kids? Not really. I like having them around and they know it. The conversations I have with my teens now my parents never had with me, I learned to keep everything to myself pretty early. [/quote]
There is no way that you can know whether 25 years from now, your adult children will see what you have done as sufficiently loving and supportive.  Social mores and expectations are constantly changing and the type of parenting we provided may or may not be kindly looked upon in the future.  There is no way to know.  All you can do is try your best in any given moment and hope it all works out.

[b]My parents certainly made mistakes, but I don't hold it against them personally.  They tried and did what they could with the information available to them, the societal expectations of the time, and with what they had been taught from their own upbringing.  There really is no point to hanging on to anger about something that they didn't even know was wrong[/b].[/quote]

I'm the PP who asked about the million dollar question. I agree that there's no way to know. As you say, all we can do is try our best in any given moment and hope.

What's interesting about the part I bolded is that over the years, I've said almost the very same words to my sibling. Sibling has been angry, just absolutely furious, for their whole life. And I ...wasn't? Or I didn't think I was? I'm still not sure I *was* angry. But something about this phase of life has been deeply trying in ways I didn't expect. Maybe I'm changing as I age. Or maybe it's a form of pre-grieving -- grieving not just the person that was, but also the relationship that wasn't.

At any rate, a lot of people have said thoughtful things here, and I'm grateful for that. [/quote]

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