Reply to Who is unreasonable here: Friend A or Friend B?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You had months to find a buyer. You didn’t have to give it away to her. You made your choices, don’t be a B to her about it.[/quote]

I found a buyer months ago.  They backed out a day ago.

But, yeah, you are right.  I could have just left it in the apartment.  I just felt like I had no choice when she said that now she could have it herself, because she knew the alternative now is leaving it.  It seemed aggressive to tell her no, I would rather nobody get it.[/quote]

Then you should have told her that before she made arrangements to pick it up. This is on you, don’t lose a friend over it.[/quote]

If this is going to eat at you, be vague and ghosty. Don't let the technician in. Don't answer texts. Just leave the country. Then be all "I'm not sure it was a busy time" if you want to.... months later....[/quote]

NP. That's a very passive-aggressive approach and OP shouldn't stoop to that kind of game-playing.

To OP, I would feel about all this the same way you're feeling.

The immediate, practical part: I would just let her have it and then fade on her instantly. I know, letting her have it feels like letting her "win," but with no purchaser, in your shoes I'd rather her have it and maybe use it (jerkish as her behavior is) than leave it for some random stranger who might have zero idea of its worth, might consider it junk cluttering up the place, and might throw it out. You know what it's worth and that it's appreciated in value, but others might just see a treadmill to toss out. If you could afford to take it with you and try seliing it again, once you're at your new place, I'd do that, but it sounds like that's not an option, right?

The friendship part: Consider that, though you and she have done things together, her lifestyle and choices are very, very different from yours. Of course well-off spenders with ponies and pricey handbags can be friends with people who have to consider the grocery bill; however, she seems to lack any real empathy for those who can't simply drop big bucks on things they want, when they want them. Think: Were you and she actual, close, sharing-my-feelings friends, or were you really just friends based on proximity and similar circumstances of being expats? If the latter is the case, and I'm guessing it is -- at least in HER mind -- then move and don't bother to keep in touch. I know she wants to visit you at the cool new location but I'd tell her that "A visit doesn't work for us," once, then be too busy to return texts or calls. You haven't ever said yes to some future visit, right? [/quote]

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