Reply to Is it too late for me to ever feel taken care of?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What do you want, exactly?

I think most adults would be happier if they managed their expectations, communicated clearly, and rolled with the punches. People who dwell on the past or negativity aren’t likely to be happy.

Since you made it to adulthood, recognize that your parents did care for you. Perhaps they didn’t do it well, but someone fed you, clothed you, got you through illnesses, made sure you were educated, etc. Move on from that. Focus on being a good parent yourself.

Tell your husband how you feel and what you need. And ask him how he feels and what he needs. My husband brings me coffee in bed each morning. That is one way he cares for me. But he also takes out the trash and cuts the grass so I don’t have to. That’s another way he cares for me.

I think you need to focus on others and show love. And also do what makes you happy.  Instead of ruminating on your feelings and living in your head, go live your life. Do, don’t just think or feel. Live, don’t dwell. 
[/quote]

This all sounds okay but is actually meaningless. First off, OP obviously is living and doing -- it sounds like she has a fairly full life with a family and friends. It's not like she's shut up in a closet thinking about her childhood all day.

She also already said she forgives her parents and that her childhood "was what it was." That sounds like someone who has made her peace and accepted those relationships, not someone ruminating on every aspect of them all the time.

So basically OP is already doing everything you recommend, and apparently has for years, but still feels an absence and longing. Likely it's being triggered at the moment by Mothers Day or similar. You've offered nothing of value here except to brag about the stuff your DH does for you.

I'm not trying to pick on you and you probably mean well, but so many responses to threads like this take this form. It sounds like you don't identify with OP's problem, are annoyed at spending time thinking about it (even though no one made you -- you chose to read this thread and comment), and are just telling her "just do what I do, even though I don't deal with your same issues and don't really know what that's like." And the ridiculous thing is OP already does what you recommend!

Just highlighting this to maybe point out to people how useless comments like this are. It sounds fine at first -- you aren't incorrect about anything really. But you don't seem to get what the problem is and found irritated that you "have" to help solve it. You don't, and don't really have any insight that would help anyway.[/quote]

Because it is inherently irritating to hear an adult say they want to be babied. It is an absurdity that cannot happen. The "need" you are expressing is is one you can live without because it doesn't exist in reality. [/quote]

No one said they want to be babied. That's you putting words in OP's mouth to fit your narrative.

That you are irritated by any of this, which doesn't even involve you, says more about your own issues than OP's. But you can't recognize this so you tell a thoughtful, self-aware person struggling with a personal issue to "get over it" and "move on." Interesting.[/quote]

She has no choice but to move on. No one will.be her mom or dad. [b]She tries to make it happen sneakily and it doesn't work and people are irritated and pushed away.[/b][/quote]

This is 100% you projecting. Nothing OP says indicates this, and actually my read from her posts is that [b]she probably focuses too much on caring for others and does not ask for others to meet even basic needs[/b]. It's the opposite of the problem you are describing, which sounds like a problem in YOUR life.[/quote]

This tit for tat pocket watching is the problem. I care for so and so in this way, I am cared for in this way, bit I am not cared for in this way. Just live, and stop measuring "care".[/quote]

What was described is not "tit for tat." Its an unbalanced situation generally and is not about individual acts of care but just someone broadly getting less than they give.[/quote]

It isn't an unbalance, it is just something that doesn't need to be measured. Especially when you get married and have kids. If you wanted to be doted on like a child, stay single and find a dog, or stay single and put an ad out on the internet saying you will pay someone to spoil you. These are your only two options. [/quote]

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