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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We’ve been together since college. Were head over heels in love and had 20+ really good years together. Now we are (at best) roommates. Intimacy had been fairly regular in recent years (at least 1-3 times/week), then it tapered down to 1-2 times a month a year or so ago, and then all physical contact (including hugs) abruptly stopped 6+ months ago. Nada.

No big fight. Nothing I can pinpoint.

When asked, they point to stress. But it’s more than that. They are distant (don’t come to bed at the same time). They only engage when there is an issue.

I tried to be extra happy/loving/engaging and nothing changed.

I tried to be direct by saying what I noticed and how it made me feel AND what I need (communication and affection). Nothing.

I won’t give up access to our kids. I don’t want to have a gray divorce once the youngest launches…for a lot of reasons including financial stability as well as disrupting our family unit. I want my old spouse back, but they’ve become so negative and unpleasant. Again: they blame stress.

Anyone btdt? Would therapy help?

What if the reality is your partner checked out because they don’t like you anymore…and now you realize you don’t really like who they have become either?

FTR, I haven’t changed. My personality has always been the same. But they definitely changed into a really unhappy, negative person.

Background: no mental illness or depression in the gene pool. They are physically fit and their stress is normal kids/aging parents stuff. No high stress job or medical illness to deal with. And ftr, I’m dealing with the same stress yet able to keep a smile on my face.

I just feel like I’m done.

On a positive note: they haven’t checked out on parental/familial responsibilities. They are a good parent…just a crappy spouse. [/quote]

Woe them like they are a new person.[/quote]

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