Reply to Parents have mixed feelings about DH and it bothers me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I get this, from a number of angles.

I think my MIL feels this was about me, although my husband has never tolerated her passive aggressive comments about me and has shut her right down so she hasn’t said anything for years but I suspect she still feels the same way. I believe this is hecause she thinks I am not successful enough professionally and didn’t go to an ivy leavue college.

Otoh, I sort of feel this way about my son’s long time girlfriend. In that case, I don’t like how she treats him and how he lets himself be treated - she is a nice person but very controlling and bossy and my son just goes along with it all, so they are always doing what she wants to do, the trips she wants to take, living how she thinks their life should be structured. I of course realize my son is 50% of the problem (and he purports to be very happy with her) but as his parent it saddens me to see him not being treated as well as I think he should be.

I never in a million years would have guessed I’d feel this way- in fact due to my MILs treatment of me I swore I would never be “that” MIL. And I am not in that I never directly or indirectly criticize his GF. I do however enourage him to think about his wants and needs and he takes that as criticism of her, which I guess I get. It’s very hard as a parent to not see your child being treated as you think they deserve. So I share this, OP, just for that added perspective. [/quote]

OP here - Thanks for the insight! Ironically, one of the things my parents have brought up is the fact that I'm more in control in our relationship and make more of the bigger decisions and he goes along with it, and they wish he would do "more" or make more decisions because he's the man. Which I find kind of ridiculous... My question for you though is, what makes you not trust your son if he says that he is very happy with his girlfriend? Do you think you see things that he doesn't realize? One issue I have with my parents is that they only see a snippet of our lives since they don't live with us, and I feel like they're always jumping to conclusions or making assumptions based on that small snippet. And I don't want to have to give them some long narrative explaining how our lives work when they're not around just to prove a point to them. [/quote]

You don't have a long discussion with your parents. You're a grown up so you don't explain to them how your life works. When they make the comment criticizing your husband, you shut it down and tell them they are clueless and judge your dh harshly. You then get off the phone. Do this enough and you'll extinguish the behavior. They have a right to their opinion but you should not participate in any discussions about it. [/quote]

You’re missing the point of the OP. When her parents are with them they see him sitting on the couch doing nothing while OP cooks dinner for everyone. You’re acting like they don’t like him because he doesn’t make enough money or he isn’t pedigreed enough but OP said it’s because he’s a man child (never matured, doesn’t really cook, doesn’t clean). My best friend is married to a guy like this. He has an office job that a toddler could do (and he makes very little at it) and comes home in the middle of the day for an hour plus lunch but he’s “so busy” the rest of the day sitting at his desk playing solitaire that he doesn’t make his kids lunches, doesn’t cook any meals for the family, doesn’t clean the house, doesn’t do laundry, has never taken his kids to a doctor/dentist/therapist appointment, and doesn’t take them to sports or other events during the week. Meanwhile my best friend is a teacher, is up every day at 5 am, works nonstop during the day, has her kids after school, and works most nights until late while her husband sits on the couch and watches TV. I think he’s a waste of space but have never said that to her. She complains that he never does anything (recent example is they went out of town for a wedding of his friend, she knew neither the bride nor the groom, yet she was the one who packed, scheduled care for the kids and dogs, and made the entire long weekend trip happen, while he just hopped in the car when it was time to go). But she also posts on social media that he’s the best husband ever and she’s so lucky to have him. It’s not my business because it’s not my marriage but I don’t like him. I listen to her complaints and just try to sympathize (although I don’t get it because I’d never be married to someone like that). Maybe OP’s parents have a harder time because they see their daughter married to a man child and they hate that for her. I could see parents caring more than a friend would. [/quote]

All I see here is a woman making her own choices.  She has the right to complain about them if she wants to, but that doesn't mean they are not her choices.[/quote]

That's fine, of course everyone gets to make their own choices. It doesn't mean others have to like them. [/quote]

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