Reply to Where to place a high functioning autistic adult

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP again. I spoke to a few agencies today and I was just offered applications for him. He is not under a guardianship so technically he is supposed to fill them out himself but almost certainly won’t. He refused to go to the psychologist appointment I set up for him and the psychologist informed me if he does not want to participate due to his age and being legally independent she will not see him so the appointment was canceled. She had no other suggestions as he doesn’t want to participate or voluntarily leave my home.

Things had been quiet for a few weeks and then he had his tantrum. I would say every month or 2 he has had a violent and destructive outburst for the last few months. During these outbursts he threatens me not to play with him.

He does not work and has never held any job more than 2 weeks. He is also lazy and disinterested in working or having his own money or things. He is very intelligent and capable when he wants to be but just doesn’t function.

He currently receives no financial benefits and never has. He has a drivers license but does not own a car but has taken mine without permission several times.

He has malicious destroyed many things over the years including cash, jewelry, iPhones, car keys which he microwaved to destroy, appliances, windows and interior doors etc even my work laptop. I probably spend several thousand dollars a year just replacing what he takes and I know better than to get attached to things. He feels justified when doing so. He usually asks for an apology after his tantrum believing it is my fault for “pushing him to go there” and being told “next time maybe you’ll learn”.

There is simply no good place for him due to lack of available housing for special needs adults and his disinterest in seeking help or leaving. I am going to rent an apartment and just leave my house and not return for a while. Whatever happens to it I can’t control and hopefully he leaves on his own soon. [/quote]

OP, talk to a lawyer, depending on your jurisdiction, you may lose rights to your home if you "abandon" it. You seem to be very emotional and impulsive yourself. You catalogue the things he does but don't see your role in allowing the situation to continue. A relative with a dangerous tenant put the home on the market and gave the tenant notice as required by law. Don't hand over your biggest asset without getting expert advice, that is not functioning yourself. He will likely end up in jail or homeless, you can't control that. There are few group homes and none want violent people who start fires. Why would he ever leave your home voluntarily? You need to get a lawyer and EVICT him, ideally in conjunction with selling and relocating for your safety.

I'd change your name and leave the area if possible, after selling your house. At some point your brother may seek out help, or not, it's up to him. You need to view him as a stalker who has threatened to kill you, not as someone you are co-dependent with. [/quote]

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