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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm a child of immigrants. Let me tell you how it feels from the child's perspective.

You as the parent want the child to take all the opportunities that this country provides and be successful. But, in the US, unlike most Asian countries, success  doesn't rely solely on grades and test scores.  A lot of success can come from social connections, and that can only come from integrating yourself in the culture and community.

You came here to provide a better life for your kids, just as my parents did. But, you cannot expect children to live like an American outside the home, but live like your heritage in your home. That's too hard.   The kid will feel like they don't belong anywhere.

It is unfair for immigrant parents to expect the children to completely adhere to the norms of customs of a country that they don't even live in and aren't surrounded by when they are outside the house. And eventually, they will spend more time outside your house and out of your influence than in it.

[b]Having stated that, I don't accept back talking from my kids. No way.[/b]   But, they have more freedoms than I ever did, and that's ok as long as they care about their education, have goals, and are [b]moral and responsible people.[/b]

You can teach your children about your culture; celebrate the holidays; teach them your language, but you cannot expect them to not be like an American in most ways.  Again, that doesn't mean you let the kids be disrespectful, though I don't necessarily think that this is solely an American trait.
  [/quote]

What do you define as backtalk? Can you give an example of what your red line looks like and how you handle it?

What one person might call back talk, another might say they are expressing themselves honestly. What one person might call a parent teaching responsibility and morality, another might call it oppressive and authoritarian.  [/quote]
It's the tone and manner of speaking.  They can, of course, share their feelings and what they are thinking, but they are not allowed to get sassy or mouthy, and speak to me like I'm an idiot or like I'm their friend.

Moral and responsible may be subjective, but there are baseline thresholds.  Treat others as you want to be treated; own up to your mistakes; be respectful of people as much as possible; be responsible with your things and not act entitled.

I have told them many many times since they were kids to be respectful of their teachers, even if their teachers are terrible.  You don't have to like them, but be respectful as much as possible.   I cannot imagine trying to teach kids who are completely disrespectful of me. My hats off to those teachers.[/quote]

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