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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m very curious about this. My XH definitely liked women (and is currently with a woman now). But one day when our marriage was on the rocks he suggested an open marriage and threesome. I assumed he wanted two women at the same time but he said he wanted another man, not so he could watch him with me but *to do him from behind*. We never did it and eventually divorced but this statement of his still lives rent free in my brain. [/quote]

Maybe he just really wanted to try anal but couldn't find a woman who would do it.[/quote]

Yeah, I know it’s popular, but the really wanting to try anal in and of itself is pretty gay. Most straight men are perfectly happy with a self-lubricating, feces-free vagina.[/quote]

I don’t think that’s true at all. I’ve had lots of sex with lots of men who were very hetero and they were all interested in the anal option - which isn’t an option with me. I think typical hetero men in particular will F any hole they can, if they can get away with it.[/quote]

Correct.

DH here.  Straight guys like anal, but ONLY with women (not men).

Pretty sure gay dudes or bis want to kiss (and do other stuff) with another man.  NO THANK YOU!  [/quote]

How exactly do you know what ALL straight guys like or don't like?[/quote]

Guys talk.  Not so much now that we are all married.  But during my dating years, we talked, and often anal (with women) came up when guys talk about s*x.  It is a lot more common than you might think and yes- there are many, many women who enjoy it (as in: they like it; they want to do it).  Is it “all” straight guys or all women ? Of course no one can know everything. But it is quite common.

But I have never known a straight guy who even hinted he had done stuff with other guys, or even fantasized about that.  [/quote]

Obviously they are not going to tell you about it.  [b]There are plenty of straight guys who seek out hookups with men when their wife or GF is out of town.  They might be bi or gay curious or they might actually be straight and horny and not want to hookup with a woman for whatever reason.[/b]  You need to broaden  your perspective a little and stop thinking in black and white when there are a million shades of gray.[/quote]

You're going to call this "black and white" but a man who is straight is not seeking out male hookups.

You call "black and white" at anyone who says that but I think that, instead, you paint with way too broad a brush. Yes there are men who would say they are straight and would find reasons for why they just [i]had[/i] to turn to another man for sex. Those men are deceiving themselves that they are straight and, probably for cultural or family or religious reasons, twisting themselves into pretzels to maintain their own self-image as 100 percent straight.[/quote]

Here is one article you might read that explains this phenomenon and there are many others if you google it:  https://www.psychotherapynetworker.org/article/when-straight-men-have-sex-men/[/quote]

DP.  Interesting article!

One snippet from it:

“Paul, a slim, attractive, 29-year-old white man who owns a landscaping company, was referred to me by his therapist (with whom he was making no progress) shortly after he attempted suicide. He told me that eight months previously, Julie, his fiancée, had discovered that he’d been having unprotected anal sex with men. When she confronted him, he denied it, but soon broke down and confessed. Devastated and angry, she broke off their engagement, accusing him of being duplicitous (she believed they were monogamous) and secretive. Worst of all, she felt frightened that he’d put her at risk for HIV and other sexually transmitted infections.

Paul loved Julie and said he knew she was the woman for him. They’d dated for three years and been engaged for one. But Julie had rebuffed all his desperate and obsessive attempts to win her back. Ultimately, she’d had a restraining order issued against him. Shortly after this, Paul engaged in a binge of sexual acting-out with both men and women, culminating in the suicide attempt that brought him to my office.

[b]“The truth is that many men who have sex with men aren’t gay or bisexual. Although their confused mental and emotional state resembles that of the initial stages of coming out, gay men go on to develop a gay identity, whereas these men don’t.[/b]”

To see the psychological explanation supporting that statement, you’d have to read the article PP posted.

But back to the topic at hand:

OP, do not assume your man is bi simply because he wants to explore anal with you (a woman).  
[/quote]

The line in bold above seems to say that a man is [i]not[/i] gay or bi if he does not develop a "gay identity" -- even if he has sex with men or with both men and women.

That statement smells like strong stereotyping, saying that one is gay only if one adheres to, what exactly? [i]Societal[/i] ideas of how gay (or bi?) men are supposed to sound, look, act? That's about society, not about core sexuality.

"Paul" has sex with men (plural, repeatedly, it can't be sloughed off as "just experimenting") as well as women. But somehow supposedly he's not bisexual because he doesn't "develop a gay identity"? Nonsense. His body is aroused by men as well as women; he intentionally pursues sex with both; he finds sex with both to be gratifying. He's bi. Even if he's a macho dude who refuses to say he's anything but heterosexual and who doesn't have whatever a "gay identity" is supposed to look like to outsiders. [/quote]

This is why I hate therapists. How can someone twist their thinking to believe this crap? And then support the person in their off beliefs completely disregarding "Julie's needs" and follow Paul's illogical thoughts that he loved Julie and wanted to be her husband. He has no idea what that role is.[/quote]

I wrote the post to which you're responding and I agree re: twisted thinking to allow the Pauls of the world to insist they're perfectly straight.

But I disagree that it's illogical for someone like Paul to love a woman and want to be her husband; bisexuals can and do truly love and marry people of the opposite sex and do know what the role of "husband" or "wife" is, in relation to their spouses. The problem with Pauls is when they refuse to understand and accept that they are bi (or pan? queer? I am not good with all terms) and when they do not fully disclose their real sexuality to their spouses or partners. [/quote]

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